a continued continued a beautiful lie

scars.

The boys was outside sat by the pool smoking a cigarette
Me and tom walked over as I grabbed the packet of cigarettes and got one out the packet from the coffe table and lit it
I could see the boys and tom giving eachother a proud smirkin look but I pretended I didn't see
I got a small glass of vodka and cranberry because I didn't want to overwhelm myself when I stopped myself from that urge I got today
I sat down on the sun lounge next to tom whilst the boys was sat up on the other ones
"How was shoppin today then Taylor" Gustav asked
"Good"
"So is this the new look then ?" Tom said to me lookin at me with a proud face
"Yep this is the new Taylor"
"I love it " tom says
"We still gonna miss ur red hair though tay"
georg said laughing
"I will to" I said smiling
We all stayed up for another hour or two laughing and talking having a good time
We all eventually went up to bed but I had a few drinks so I was abit more drunk then tom
Tom was much more sober then me
So he took me to the bathroom to shower
He took of my two piece set and his clothes
We got in the shower as he washed my body
He had a concerned look on his face tho
"What's wrong baby " I asked him
He eyes started to well up but I couldn't really tell from the shower
He didn't speak back he was just lookin down
I looked down to realise he was looking at all the scars on my body
He softly grabbed my wrist and pulled it up closer for him to look
It was the cut he did.
I stared at my scar on my wrist and looked back up to him crying I wrapped my arms around his next and gave him a hug
with him crying in the crook of my neck
"It's okay Tom,it's okay baby I'm okay were okay"
He pulls my arms of his shoulders to see the very slowly fading scars on my hips and stomach that roman did when he killed ria and me for a few hours
I looked at tom to see his face slowly turn angry but still sad
He then puts his hand at the back of my thigh to lift one of my legs up to see closer
Looking at scars he's never seen before
A confused worried look appeared on his face
"Who did them" he asked as there was quite a few
"I did"
His jaw dropped abit and a worried look went on his face he shot his eyes straight into mine
"Why baby ,why?" with tears comin down each of our faces
A sad guilty look fell on my face
He pulled my head against his chest as I burst into tears and cried louder then before
"I..I did it when I felt alone because when I did it , if felt like u " tears streaming down my face
His cupped my face with his hands with tears in his eyes
"Taylor promise me you will stop trying to hurt yourself ,I'm sorry it's my fault I'm sorry ,all I ever did was hurt u I'm sorry I'll never do anything to hurt u again I promise "
I just cried in his arms

We got out of the shower and he wrapped a towel around me and carried me bridal style back to our room and sat me down at the bottom of the bed whilst picking me some clothes I just sat there with my eyes low starin into space
He put on me one of his t-shirts and put on my underwear
He put his clothes on
And picked me back up and got me comfy in bed he lied down next me
"Do u wanna talk about it?" I asked
"About what princess"
"Everything" I say with no emotion on my face ready to talk about it all for the first time
I began talkin about when I first woke up and the first thing I did when I woke up from my coma was ask where he was , how Roman told me about his fake death and how the world thinks I'm dead too
and I was pregnant and how that felt , I told him that roman got me working as a prositute

I began to tell him about how I met the girls and the times i was put on heroin but enjoyed it because when I was high it felt like I was with tom , I told him about Roman touching me that one time and when one night with a client I hit them with a glass bottle and ran out , but I didn't tell him I was raped by one of them because I was scared of how he would react
Maybe he would be disgusted at me and not look at me the same
I finished talkin to look at tom to see him he looked upset but was trying his best to stay okay he kissed me on my head "it's all my fault u didn't have to go through that taylor I'm so sorry u will never have to go through that again "
"It's not ur fault baby "
He shed a few tears but I just held him tight in my arms till we fell asleep