a continued continued a beautiful lie

the war is over

Me and tom slept peacefully next to eachother that night
I fell asleep at ease knowing he cares , he loves me , knowing I don't have to have any fear anymore and I can actually start healing and being my old Taylor again

I woke up to the tom sat next to me leaning over my face "morning my love" as I was met with a warm kiss on my forehead , I smiled and gave him a tight hug trying to pull him down comfy into bed just whilst I fully wake up

My head was layin on his chest with my hand playin with his braids whilst his arms was wrapped around my body tightly
"tom"
"yes princess"
"I love u"
"I love u more"
" I never wanna live without u I can't ,I couldn't"
The conversation we had last night just kept replying in my head I mean he must love me and care enough to not want to hurt me in anyway , for him to let me move on so I can be happy and live the life the old broken taylor would of died for

A warm tear of mine dropped to his hard chest
He cupped my face and held deep eye contact "what's on ur mind" he said with a concerned worried look in his face
"It's just the conversation we had last night just made me think how much I need and love u , I always knew it in the back of my head but u giving me the option to leave made me realise I can't see the rest of my life with u not in it "

Toms beautiful brown eyes glossed over with tears and he just stayed queit for a few seconds probably trying to take in what I said because I don't think I ever opend up about my feelings for tom as much as I just did

"Just promise me u will change and I never have to fear u again I just want to love u tom "
I broke down in tears

tom pulls my head back down to his chest as he says
"I promise baby I'm changing I will never do anything to intentionally hurt u again and I'm sorry for everything I did , I'm sorry, I'm sorry taylor, I'm so sorry "

By the second sorry he said he broke down too

I let out a little laugh "what's funny taylor"he chuffed

"Were such a mess" I said laughing
He started laughing and dropped his head back down to the pillow and lifted his head back up after a few seconds

"Were both changing, we can do it together Taylor , one day we can live a happy quiet life married , have children, you won't have to worry about anything "

I just gave him a tight squeeze and got myself more comfortable on him because I knew if I said anything I would just cry more because of how much relief I felt

"Tom can I go out today.... By myself ?"
"Ofc baby, but where "
"Just shopping and maybe the salon"
"Sure my love just be careful okay? Let me know when ur about to leave u can take my car"

"Just don't do any damage to it" we both said
I knew that's what he was gonna say abt his 'precious car'
We both laughed as I got up " I'm gonna go get ready "
"Okay baby"

I walked out to the bathroom with a skip in my step I can finally have my freedom .
I got in the shower
Brushed my teeth
And dried my hair
And put some fresh clothes on

I walked down to the kitchen where all the boys where
"Hey guys"
"Hey Taylor "georg said
"Where r u goin today Huh" Gustav says
"Shopping"
"Oh have fun "
"Thanks"
The boys went to back garden to go have a cigarette
Leavin me and tom in the kitchen but I didn't realise he was there as he sat there very quietly just admiring me doing my own thing

I opened the cupboard to get a glass of water to see the bottle of vodka tom took when I hid it under the bed from him
I just froze and stared at it for a few seconds I picked it up and looked at it in my hands urgin to take a a sip to get that Rush through my body and rough throat feeling
I gave my eyes a tight shut to keep a tear in and put it back
"Good girl"
I quickly turn my head to tom
"How long have u been sat there
"The whole time , I'm proud of u Taylor "
I did a small smile because even though he want disappointed I still felt it in myself for even havin the urge to take a sip
He got up and towered over me and kissed the top of my head then gave me a tight hug
"When did u start the habit"
"When I was at that place "I say in a guilty voice with him knowing I meant Romans mansion
" Well when u get back we can talk about everything, r u ready to go?"
By everything I think he wants to know about what it was like for me at Romans mansions and all the things that happend when he wasn't there, a part of me wanted to tell him but I didn't want anything to anger him
"Yeah I'll see u later"
"U sure u gonna be okay?"
"I'm sure" I say with a smile
" I love u Taylor "
"I love u too tom"
I met him with a kiss on his warm lips and his cold lip peircing I gave him a smile and walked out to the door
I got in the car and turned on some music that I used to listen to before I met tom
It was so nostalgic it was almost like I'm already back to myself again