Deep Breaths (Garcello x Reader) [Slow Updates]

Bonus Part 5 - Through Hazy Eyes

I shuffle my feet as I walk to my usual spot. The alleyway. The pack of cigarettes in my pocket weighs far heavier than it realistically should be, and I know exactly why. I just... don't want to think too hard about it.

--I cough, cough, cough again, as fire scorches my lungs. Smoke erupts from my lips and I heave any oxygen out of my chest. Get out, get out, GET OUT--

My boots stagger for a moment on a raised piece of sidewalk. I huff a little and resume walking until I've reached my spot. But I don't step forward further than the edge of the alley. I feel numb, and that scares me. Quietly, I reach for the pack in my pocket, pulling it out to inspect.

It's normal. It looks just the same as it always has, always does, and yet...

--They're jumping to their feet, screaming my name. I can't hear them past the blood rushing through my ears. Their hands force smoke out of my lungs as they desperately try to save me, save me--

...The pack glows in the low light of late evening. I sigh, bandaged fingers flipping it over again and again. My knuckles sting from how often I've been sinking my teeth into them, but it's hard to do much else to sate the cravings. And that's why I'm right back where I started. Even after I almost die, I come back.

...What am I doing?

--A water bottle's lifted to my lips and I'm urged to drink. I do, taking in water when I can't take in air. The pause hurts, my chest hurts, my ribs creak and my mind numbs, but then I open my mouth and breathe--

My eyes water so I blink, willing away any tears. Not now. Not now and not ever. My breath shudders a little but I feel thankful that I have any breath to breathe at all. I shuffle my feet, debating whether to go in or leave. The desire for a comforting smoke break and the fear of another chance of death wrangle all sense out of my mind. It's suffocating. I'm suffocating--

"Garcello?"

I freeze. The pack slips from my fingers, landing flat on the floor. My heart drops just as fast and I scramble to pick it up, the tips of my digits scratching on hard concrete. As soon as I look up, I'm met with the concerned visage of (Y/N).

"Sorry," I say reflexively. My voice scrapes and grinds with a throat that hasn't drank a healthy amount of water. Fingers frantically fluttering through my disheveled hair, I mumble, "I just, um... H-how've you been?"

Real smooth.

"I'm alright...?" They look at me with worried eyes and my stomach stings. "Garcy, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I say, even as my hands shake. I want that smoke so badly, but I can't do that-- for multiple reasons. The person standing in front of me is one of them. "Just, um... nerves."

(Y/N) stares at me for a moment, gaze catching on my bandaged hands. I tense up just a little.

"Are you... sure you're alright? Did something happen?"

"Just a bad habit, honestly." I look down at my hands and wince. I'm sure it didn't look that bad before... I've only been gnawing on my hands and knuckles for a little while. "It's really not as bad as it looks. Just a few scabs and all that."

"Oh." They look a bit deflated, gazing at me with confusion swirling in their eyes. My heart squeezes.

"Anyway," I manage through a tight-lipped smile that hurts to bear, "I gotta go."

"Go? Go where?"

"Oh, just..." My head swims as I turn away. What excuse do I have? I just need to be away from them, and I don't know why. My chest is going to explode otherwise. "Annie's expecting me. Nothing big. I'll see you around, (Y/N)."