𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

12| 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐀𝐧 𝐀𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲

~~~~~~

I walk towards my room grabbing some clothes from the drawers.

I remove my shoes before going into my restroom turning on the shower to burning hot water, the only right way to take a shower. I take off my top staring at my boobs for a second avoiding the look of my stomach.

I take off my shorts staring at my stomach, the mildest of fat there.

I gulp my stomach growling from the hunger I feel but ignore it. I think about Aidan and what he did, how my heart flutter when he touched me or called me hermosa.

I shake my head. I can't have my heart be fluttering like that, I won't.

I slide down the floor in my underwear and bra thinking. I'm trying to think of the pros and cons of possibly heart fluttering. The cons are he's my brother's best friend, my brothers' will kill him if they find out, and he could possibly break my heart.

And the pros, there are no pros to this.

When I was younger I won't lie and say I didn't like Aidan, in fact, I had a crush on him. But as Raymond started to touch me more and more I thought all boys were like Raymond so I pushed the feelings down and they returned with feelings of hatred.

Then again, he started to treat women like objects and always had a new girlfriend that's what made me believe all men were the same.

I sigh my mind thinking of how Raymond is still unfortunately alive. My eyes start to puff up again as tears begin to form in my eyes again. I close my eyes, tears falling as I stand up from the floor and remove the last bits of my clothing.

I look at my phone for a second shaking my head, "Not yet," I think before stepping into the shower.

I cry harder sobbing as the water washes away my tears and my body suddenly feels disgusting like it needed to be washed. I grab a wash cloth and my body soap pouring it onto the cloth.

I start to wash my body gently before I feel more and more disgusting and I start to wash my body roughly.

I sob more scraping my body still not feeling clean enough as I step out of the shower, my body sore and red. I gulp as I put on my clothes and take the chongo out of my hair swaying my hair free.

Massaging my scalp I grab a hairbrush brushing out my hair sniffling more sadly. Why do I feel so dirty?

Why don't I feel clean?

All questions run through my mind my stomach growls but I ignore it not wanting to eat whatsoever. I open up the drawer on my nightstand and pull out a bag of pre-rolls and a lighter.

I go to the bed lighting up the blunt and smoking it until it's finished.

I feel the buzz as I sway my body left and right. I put the blunt on the ashtray in my drawer closing it and laying down on my bed.

I stare up at the ceiling for a few minutes my mind with complete nothingness inside as I shut my eyes darkness taking over.

~~~~~~

My eyes flutter open as I see my brother Theo sitting at the edge of my bed making me jump.

"Shit," I whisper as he turns his head to face me while I finger-comb my hair. He moves closer to me on the bed as I sit up, "Good morning," he says and his eyes seem puffy red.

A part of me is happy that he was crying another part feels bad, "Morning," I mutter.

"Look Rosalia," he sighs pausing to think of the right words, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so angry at you so I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me at all I just want to apologize for my behavior. I'm just scared something will happen to you and I won't be able to help, I won't be able to protect you again."

I swallow nodding my head, "I understand Theo. Thank you for your apology," I smile removing my blanket and leaning in for a hug.

He looks shocked but accepts my hug, "You like hugs now?" He says and I chuckle. "Valentina forces me into them so I'm kinda used to them," I laugh at how much Val loves physical touch and I don't.

He chuckles nodding. We release from our hug and he speaks, "Anyways, tomorrow we are going to the beach so be ready," I nod smiling excitedly.

I love a beach day.

ok so a chongo is basically a hair tie or rubberband if you didnt know lol

im mexican and my fam calls them chongos but theyre called so many different things its crazy

anyways hows was yalls day?? good good. my day was okay tmr my grandparents are moving out of my town sadly

angways i hope you all have a great day/night!!! love yall🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼