PENUMBRA // Tamaki Amajiki x Reader Royal AU

Chapter 24

"It's no use, I'm never gonna be able to do it." Tamaki slumped onto his bed feeling defeated.

We had been at it all day, I was trying to ease him into control his... mistake, by running time through him to speed up his body clock. My goal was for him to get in touch with himself and really feel what it was that was happening inside him, sensing how his mistake manifested and withdrew.

For hours we spent simply repeating this process, Tamaki ate three potatoes which was probably more than he had eaten at once in years. He was the one who kept telling me to do it again, I thought just a couple tries would be enough then we would move onto something else but he decided to try controlling it after every time change and he failed each time, just as I had predicted.

On his first day I did not expect for him to get anywhere, I actually thought we would give it a few goes then go to the garden and talk for the rest of the day - or maybe that was just a part of me that was longing for that; the garden was sunny and warm while the tower was cool and dingy. However if the prince wanted to continue, who was I to stop him.

Sighing, I slumped down next to him on the bed, it seemed getting down in his level helped, "Maybe we should take a break, Tamaki you are exhausting yourself here. And I know that you are not going to throw up from three potatoes but remember you are not used to eating yet and I do not know how that could effect your mistake."

"Mistake? Is that what your calling it now? I've had mutation, defect, deformity and now mistake?" He faced away from me, "...y-you're right... I am a m-mistake."

"Oh goodness, no Tamaki it is not that deep. Do not look so far into my meaningless words, I am simply searching for the term to call this... thing of yours which feels right, so far none of the names seem to fit." I spoke with earnest hoping to get my point across, there was no way I could let him feel like that because of me.

Tamaki curled up into a ball, "But you still called it a mistake, even if it was subconsciously y-you still did it, which means you meant it... because it's true."

"I suppose I did say it subconsciously but you have to believe me when I say I was not thinking of you when I spoke it, simply pondering synonyms for the word mutation and that was the next one to pop into my head." My hand rested near his head, a sign that I was still there for him but not trying to overstep his boundaries.

He curled tighter into himself and did not reply.

"If you do not like the previous names then why not name it yourself, it is uniquely yours after all?" I waited for him but he remained silent, "okay what about... variation, 'a different or distinct form or version of something' you could call it that, what do you think?"

There was still no response and I observed slight trembles in his body. Quickly I searched for his hands but they were wrapped tightly around his knees and that was all they were doing. "... Please k-keep talking." He said in a low voice. Maybe he was trying to focus on something, I could not help but feel a sense of pride over his efforts to stop him from having another... episode.

"You want to hear me recite definitions? If so, we could be here all day, I memorised a lot of definitions back in school, probably the pettiest thing I have ever done. It was not because I was insecure or anything, no I was definitely confident in my abilities, but I wanted to put just that bit more distance between my peers and I, so naturally I spent some of my free time committing meanings to memory."

I went on, "if not variation, how about kink? 'a sharp twist or curve in something that is otherwise straight' the definition does not really sound like it applies to this situation but I promise you it is a synonyms for defect - I used to look through thesauruses so I could sound smarter too. No, kink sounds wrong to me."

After some consideration, "I have got it, anomaly! 'the angular distance of a planet or satellite from its last perihelion or perigee'  no I am sorry that was not funny: 'something that deviates from what is standard, normal, or expected. You know what, scrap that, now that I have said that out loud I realise how it sounds. Let us opt for something shorter."

"Quirk." The word just slipped out casually, "'a peculiar aspect of a person's character or behaviour'. Yes, quirk, that is perfect. It just rolls right off the tongue all short and sweet."

Finally Tamaki spoke up, "you think I'm peculiar? Isn't that like 'mistake'?" He did not retreat from the ball he curled himself into.

"No it is not like 'mistake' at all. I will not lie to you Tamaki, I could easily tell you that peculiar just means 'particular; special' but it also means 'different to what is normal or expected; strange' and that is not a bad thing at all. You know you are not normal, it would be idiotic to say otherwise but that does not mean you are a mistake. Lots of people are 'quirky', me included." My mind flashed back to the day I was banished from the kingdom and I tried not to wince.

"Don't pretend you know what it's like to be different, you're nothing like me-

"Do not dare make false assumption about me," in a flash of rage I grabbed the prince's shoulder and hoisted him out of his ball, forcing him to look me in the eyes so I could bare my truth, "all my life I have been different, for years I have been shunned from social communes all for being better than others. Back at school everyone was jealous of me, they all yearned to have my level of power and skill-

"B-but-

"No, listen to me! Even when I came to this kingdom I was still shunned, my kind is not welcome here, and I tried to trick myself into believing that it was because they were jealous of my power - that was why the king did not want me to put my sorcery on display - but I am not fool, I know when I am being looked down upon, even if I am better than them they still did it."

"Tamaki, you did not see how people's faces changed when I was discovered, you did not see the king's face of rage and disgust towards me when he called me... he called me a slur, a word which can only be used by other sorcerers, when used by anyone else it is the most degrading word, and one which I thought was never used. So again, do not dare make false assumptions about me. Akin to you, I am different, peculiar, quirky. We both spend all our time hidden away, maybe I am not locked up in a tower but I am still forced to change my face just to coexist here. Do not for a minute think that I do not understand you."

My face felt quite heated, partly from getting too absorbed in my speech and partly from feeling embarrassed for giving such a lecture. Then out of confusion, may face reddened even more as Tamaki reached out and wiped his thumb under eye, I saw a tear as he withdrew it.

Suddenly he pulled me into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around my waist and whispering into my neck, "I'm sorry."

After the initial shock wore off, I enveloped his back with my arms and rested my head on his, "It is alright. I have been letting my emotions get the best of me recently, usually I am so in touch and in control. I do not know what has been happening but I am sure I will be back to normal soon, do not worry you will not hear anymore unsolicited rants."

"Maybe it's better to be that way, maybe you should be yourself and allow your emotions to be free."

"Maybe."

We stayed in that position for a short while, silent the whole time before Tamaki said, "I like 'quirk', it sounds right."