My Best Friend's Brother

Chapter 3: Madison

I promise that this chapters will most likely get longer later on. I'm just trying to not stretch them out.

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 Finally, I was alone. Or, mostly. I managed to leave James today and tell Sierra I was spending a day to myself, but only brought myself to the peaceful garden in the middle of a park. I love it here, and I forever will. It’s always been my place to go to when something isn’t going right, or my thoughts just haven’t been making sense, and I’m sure you can already tell I’ve come here a lot in the past year.

I sat on one of the garden swings and moved to where my back was against one of the wooden arm rests and my legs across the bench, but my feet hanging off. I just took out one of my notebooks, my journal, from my messenger bag and dated the top of the page and then started to write.

I still don’t even know where it all started, where it all started to go wrong. I sound so ridiculous crushing on my best friend’s brother… Yes, Kendall has a lot of charm and all, but I still can’t bring myself to love him like I want to. It just isn’t right, and it would never work out. A guy in his twenties dating a seventeen year old girl? Oh, please! That might just ruin his career, don’t you think?

And the last thing I would ever want is for him to hate me. If that were to happen… consider my life over, you know? But this entire thing is just stupid, and dumb. I know I can’t love him, but I do it anyway. What they say is true… the heart desires what it cannot have.

See? I sound stupid and insane, and I sound like I love him. But… I do, I just can’t. I wouldn’t be allowed to! Not only is Kendall my best friend’s brother, but he is also the best friend to my own brother, and I think James is onto me about liking Kendall all because I keep playing Best Friend’s Brother by Victoria Justice.

Maybe things would be easier if somebody just found this out, everything would be easier. But who knows? It might just make everything a hundred times harder than it already is. I guess it all depends on who finds out, if somebody did. But love is never easy, right?

I stopped writing there, but I don’t know why. There is so much more I want to write, and so much more I want to get off of my chest, but I can’t. Writing in here seems stupid, when I can just admit all of these feelings to somebody face to face, I write them down in a journal where nobody will ever see them.

I’m not saying that I should just go and confess to Kendall, but I’m also not saying I won’t confess. To be honest, I’m not sure what I am really saying… but I know that I mean I love him and always will, and I feel like somebody, somewhere, should know. Whether it is Kendall or not.