Dirty Little Secret

thirty-two | promises

Riley

"But it doesn't hurt to talk." I argue.

"I don't care. The doctor said-"

I huff. "The doctor said as long as I am comfortable and not in any pain, I may talk."

"In small portions." Lucas growls. "Do you want to ruin your voice box forever?"

"I'm fine, Lucas."

"You're not fine, Riley!" Lucas snaps and I wince. His expression softens. "Shit, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." He sighs, running his fingers through his wavy hair. "I'm just worried, Ri."

I take a step forward and slide my palms up his forearms. "I can talk, Lucas. It's okay. I'll be careful. I promise."

Lucas hesitantly reaches up and tucks my hair behind my ears before cupping my cheeks firmly. "I'm sorry for what I said the other day. I was upset. I shouldn't have said that to you."

My hands slide down his back before resting on his hips. "I hurt you." I whisper. "But it was either pretend to be into it, or him hold me down. Either way he was forcing himself on me, and he knew it too. He thought Lou was home so he put on a show."

Lucas's thumb strokes my cheekbone. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, Ri? I could've done something."

"I was scared." My voice cracks. "I didn't know what he'd do. I didn't... I didn't..."

Lucas tugs me into his chest when the first tear traitorously escapes my tear duct.

"Promise me you'll tell me everything from now on, even if you're scared. We'll figure it out together, whatever it is." Lucas says softly in my ear. "Promise me, Ri."

I nod against him. "I promise."

"I don't get it." He whispers.

"Get what?"

"You were with me, knowing he could catch us at any moment. So why were you so scared to tell me what he was doing?" The way his voice cracks mid-sentence chips a piece of my heart off.

Lou's words flash in my mind like an alarm.

Maybe she was right. Maybe all this time I've been afraid nobody would believe me, and I'd be stuck with Gabe forever.

Maybe I wanted that to happen.

Maybe deep down, I didn't believe there was anyone else out there for me. I let him engrave all those terrible worlds he said, making me feel worthless, and I began to believe them myself.

"I think..." I slightly pull away and bite down on my bottom lip. "I thought I was scared, but then Lou said something and I'm wondering if it's true."

Lucas reaches up and brushes his knuckles against my cheek. "What'd she say?"

"That I was... Maybe I was... scared of no one believing me." I say quietly.

"I would've believed you."

"Would you have? He's your brother. I was just a girl you were screwing." I avoid his gaze.

"Hey." He brackets my jaw firmly, forcing me to look up at him. "You're not just a girl, Riley. You're my girl." A crooked smile spreads across his lips. "And I love you. And you don't even have to say it back, I just need you to know."

I swallow slowly. "You said you... You'd said you've loved me for two years. What do you mean by that?"

"I mean exactly what I said. I've been infatuated with you since I met you, and later on fell in love with you without meaning to. That's why I avoided talking to you so many times."