Mastermind

Interlude: Fade

 James

I wish somebody would've told me
that I'd end up so caught up in need of your demons
that I'd be lost without you leading me astray
Guess that I'm a fool for the way that you caught me
Girl, you make my heart break more every day
But don't fade away
Fady by Lewis Capaldi

Saturday, after the fall

James knows he shouldn't be here. No one is allowed to visit Regulus. Sirius and Remus have both sat him down and implored him to not even think about Regulus.

As if James has thought about anything but Regulus for the last fucking year.

He is in love with him. He can't help it. It doesn't just go away.

He wishes it would go away.

Regulus is a Death Eater. He lied to him. He deceived him. Maybe it's been nothing more than a game all along. Maybe he has been a spy for the dark wizard all this time. Maybe he has never really loved him.

He wishes he could believe that. Maybe it would be easier to forget him if he believed it. And yet, after seeing the Mark, after being lied to again and again, a part of him still refuses to believe it.

No! Reggie is a good person! He's my Reggie. My beautiful, lovely Reggie. He is hurt and complicated – but he is good. He loves me! He would never betray me like this!

James came to hate that voice in his head, that part of his heart. What a childish, naïve thing it is to think!

He never should have trusted Regulus.

His friends were right after all: He is too naïve. He's too trusting. He should have seen it. The people Regulus is around, his family, his mates...

"You couldn't have done anything. If he was ready to take the Mark, there was nothing you could have done." That's what Sirius told him after he told him about the Mark on Regulus' arm.
"Maybe..." Remus tried then, "Maybe he didn't want to take it though. Did he have a choice at all? You know your family, what if-"
"No. He had a choice. He had a bloody choice: He could have come with us. He could have talked to us. We were there. This time, we were there. I was there. James was there. He didn't talk to us because he didn't fucking want to! And now he took the mark. They don't give that shit out like free candy. The dark Lord gives it to his loyal servants – Regulus must have been involved him for a fucking long time if he has it now. If he really didn't want the mark, if he didn't want any of it, we were there. You can't fucking blame me for that-"
"I would never blame you, Sirius."
"I bet he does! Either he wanted to take it or he didn't, but he will blame me or mother or James. But not this time. It's on him! It's on him! He is a Death Eater because of his decisions not mine!"

James didn't want to tell Sirius at first. He didn't want to tell anyone. But Sirius, Remus, and Peter have been worried about him crying his eyes out when he came back from seeing Regulus. So, he told them. He told them and watched Sirius' world shatter in front of his eyes. He wouldn't believe it at first. Then his disbelief turned to anger, and he yelled and screamed and threw things around the dorm and then the common room, spilling the news to everyone in the tower, too caught up in his sorrow to care who heard him.

It's time to grow up. He can't keep going through life like this: Trusting everyone, giving anyone a second and third and fourth chance. It's how people, who are natural deceivers like Regulus, get to him again and again.

It's war. He can't be like this anymore. His mother has raised him like this, but his mother has never experienced a war like this, people like the Death Eaters. And his mother was still smart about it. She would have seen right through Regulus like they all had. Sirius had been right from the beginning, so have Marlene and Mary. He should have listened to his friends.