Mastermind

Dying in a Hot Tub

Oh, you left your brain upstairs
Next to James and Pierre, but
Have you heard the news
That you're on your own?
I'll fly to the moon again
I'm dying in a hot tub
I'm dying in a hot tub, once again
-Dying in a Hot Tub by Palaye Royal

On Monday after his last class, Regulus goes to his dorm to get the things he needs to study in the library.

Barty lies sprawled out on Evan's bed. Evan sits next to his head saying something that makes Barty chuckle. They look up when Regulus enters.

"Thought you wanted to go to the library?" Barty says annoyed.

"I'm on my way there, just needed to pick something up. What are you two up to?"

"He was just telling me something about Hercules," Barty says.
"The constellation or the myth?"
"Constellation of course," Evan says with a smirk, "We're very studious lads. Always aiming for the best marks in Astronomy."

Barty grins, "Hey, Regulus, is there a constellation called Hylas?"
"Hylas? No. Why?"
"Just wondering."

"Hylas can't be in the sky. He was drowned by the water nymphs," Evan whispers.
"Oh, now you spoiled the ending."
"I was just about to tell you when he came in."
"What, so, that's it? It's a stupid ending."

Regulus, whose education did not include Greek mythology, pretends not to hear them. He grabs the books and parchment he needs.

Among a pile of books, his gaze falls on the romance books he had acquired for research reasons. He had bought wizarding books on the topic in Hogsmeade. They were terribly soppy and cheesy with 'they lived happily ever after' endings and more heterosexuality than a single gay teenager could possibly bare.

They were also incredibly unhelpful.

"Hey, Barty, can I ask you something?"
"Make it quick."

Regulus walks over to them and leans against the post of Evan's bed.

"How do you seduce someone properly?"

Barty laughs, "Is this still about your weird little love triangle?"
"It's not a love triangle."
"It better not be," Evan says, "I've seen you hanging out with your brother's weird friends. You're not trying to seduce that mudblood with the red hair, are you?"

"What? Of course not."
"The halfblood with the scars?"
"No."
"Potter?" Barty asks, then sits up, "Regulus Black, you're not trying to seduce Potter, are you?"

"It's not about the seducing part, Barty. It's about payback."
"Payback? Is this about your brother running away? Still?"

Regulus stares at him coldly.

"Oh, come on, don't tell me you're fucking jealous of Potter."
"I'm not jealous. I'm simply aiming to make him pull away from Sirius and all his other stupid friends. It was your idea after all: James took away Sirius, I take away James."

Evan looks at Barty, "Isn't that literally jealousy?"
"It's mental, that's what it is."
"Of course it's mental, it was your idea," Regulus rolls his eyes, "But I think it will work. If I go about it the right way, I hurt Potter, Sirius and maybe even some of their mudblood and halfblood friends all in one go. It's called efficiency."

"You're crazy," Evan says, "Your best bet is to hope he's into crazy."

Regulus looks at Barty again, "Crouch, thoughts?"

"Well, Black, the art of seduction is not to be learned through books I can tell you that much."

"Then share your wisdom with me."