The Teacher [Watty Awards 2013] - COMPLETE

VI - Constant

DEARBORN, MICHIGAN, 1993

It was painful the fact that everything she used to cherish have disappeared. Carla felt helpless and lost. There was no one to guide her, no one to stop her from doing anything, and no one to tell her what was wrong and what was right. She still remembered the feeling of anxiety and the addiction to take a risk. The feeling of worrying if she would be caught for sneaking out. Those feelings, those thrills were now gone. They were gone with her mother when she left. Her father didn’t care about what she did. He wouldn’t even notice if she was around. She wanted to care about her brother, Ethan. But he seemed to doing better than she is. The only person she can turn to now was Ash, her boyfriend. Even so, Carla could feel him getting bored with all her complaints and sadness so she tried her best to hide them. She was happiest when she didn’t have to think about all the worst parts of her life.

She turned to look at the cocaine powder in the palm of her hand. Right at that moment, those were the only substance that can heal her wounded heart. She sniffed the powder in, exhaled with a great amount of pleasure. Her lips began smiling as the dopamine in her system increased. Suddenly, her bedroom door hinge creaked open. It was Ethan. He stared at Carla with a blank expression then his eyes turned to look at the substance in her palm. Carla quickly sifted the powder away. She figured Ethan would never know what it was. She wanted to yell and be angry with Ethan for suddenly walking into her room without knocking but her voice sounded weak and sly as she said, "what are you doing here? You little prick!" Ethan answered her apathetically, "You look... different." Carla sighed, shook her head, as she stood up from her bed, grabbed her bag and left the room.

Carla hated the fact that her little brother didn’t feel her pain. She was damn sure that Ethan was invulnerable or something. It was almost like he was immune to pain. There were times when he did something wrong and their father would start to beat him up, but he had no expression on his face. Carla wasn’t sure if he was ever angry or sad or upset. He looked just the same all the time. ‘How did you deal with losing her?’ She thought. Her father started becoming abusive since her mom died. Isaac was hardly being himself. Carla felt like she almost didn’t recognize him anymore. The only thing that is constant in her life right now was Ethan. He was just the same. He might have talked less or laughed less but he was him. He didn’t change. Carla admitted to the fact that she became the worst sister in the world. She watched Isaac became horrible day after day. She wished she could be the same.

She stormed out of the house over the view of Isaac lying on the couch, completely wasted. She wished he had been stronger. Maybe if he did, then she would too. As she walked on the street outside the house, she glanced over her room on the second floor. Ethan was there, watching her. ‘I bet you’re stronger than me.’ She really wished he were stronger. She wished he would be able to get out of this mess. She walked away from there that day and she was not thinking of coming back.