dsmp oneshots 2

deserved, right?

𝔱𝔯𝔦𝔤𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔢𝔫𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯

☆

karl felt like he resigned himself to an early deathbed as he lie emotionless against his duvet.

some quiet song is humming out of his phone, laying on the pillow by his head, but he hardly offers it a thought as he focuses instead on the loudness in his mind.

his bedroom walls aren't entertaining, and neither are the nightmares that haunt him in the wake of day, but they're enough to keep him busy and he supposes that's all that really matters. as long as he isn't bored.

he heart feels like it's left its space in his chest. maybe it's fallen to his stomach, creating that weird caving feeling, or maybe that's just because he hasn't eaten anything yet today. maybe his heart has left his body completely, disappearing to some higher realm to be collected by someone who deserved to live and breathe and love and be loved.

someone nothing like him.

karl wonders what his friends have done at school today, if school has even started yet. he has no idea what time it is, but it's light out and the sun pours through his window and heats up his legs under the duvet where it shines.

it's too hot, actually, but his face is cold with emotionless apathy so it sort of evens out and that makes it better.

actually, it doesn't make it better, but nothing makes anything better so that's that.

being alone led the brunette down a rabbit hole of dark thoughts, each one getting deeper and scarier and haunting him more than the last ever could.

he's thinking about every bad thing that's happened to him, everything that the world cursed upon him because he deserved it, right? he must've deserved it, otherwise why would it happen?

the brunette curls up smaller as he imagines hands on him, ones he never gave permission to, groping at his flesh while he blinked drunkenly towards the door at a party he wasn't prepared to go to.

he broke his little brother's birthday present once because he wanted a go first, so he guesses maybe the assault was the universe's way of paying him back for that, or making the world equal again.

he remembers the day when he came home to be told his cat was dead, and he was allowed to see him one last time before his dad was going to bury him in their garden. that cat was everything to him.

but there had been times when he wanted to go on his phone and he'd push the cat away when it climbed in the way, so that probably earned him bad karma. he had to be punished for that because it was mean.

he can't think of anything he's done that justifies him being groomed as a child, taken advantage of by someone who was meant to take care of him and be a safe space. karl can't think of many things as bad as that, but there must have been something because otherwise why would it have happened?

he didn't believe in reincarnation, but maybe there is some kind of before-life where he did something awful, something that he carried through with him into this life that he still needed to be punished for.