dsmp oneshots 2

your sun and your clouds

𝔱𝔯𝔦𝔤𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔢𝔫𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯

☆

sapnap felt like he was weighed down on the couch cushions. like every joint in his body had a sandbag tied and secured and it was so much that he couldn't move. he felt heavy, and he hated it.

he finds the strength to move his neck, looking over to where karl is sitting beside him. usually, by now, they would be cuddling. sapnap wonders if his disgusting heaviness is the reason why karl is sitting so far away, on the opposite end of the couch with his legs bent beneath him and his arm propped up on the armrest, his eyes glued to whatever show is on tv.

karl is perfect. everything about him seems like it's just fluttered down from heaven and landed like stars over his being. he's perfect.

sapnap doesn't know why karl would ever want to date someone like him. he's not perfect, he's weighed down - by his past, by his thoughts, by his fat.

sapnap despises himself and he finds it hard to comprehend why karl doesn't feel the same way. karl could get anyone in the world he wants, he could get someone who is just as perfect as him, and they could be a perfect couple, and they could have perfect children and a perfect life.

sapnap can't even give him children, let alone perfect.

karl said he didn't mind sapnap getting his bottom surgery, yet he still talks as if they can have kids. sure, they can adopt, or have a surrogate, but it surely won't be the same. then again, maybe the reason why karl was so okay with it is because he didn't want their child to have sapnap's cursed genes.

maybe he looked at sapnap and was so appalled by the idea of their future child resembling him that he thought the proposition of bottom surgery was actually a blessing.

sapnap looks back at the tv.

in his peripheral, he sees karl look over at him, and he wonders why the brunette waited until he looked away. karl probably doesn't want to see his eyes, and how they seem smaller now because of the roundness of his cheeks - his little sister says she doesn't know what he's talking about, but sapnap can see it, he can see the way his eyes squint now.

sapnap has been told off by karl before for taking responsibility for the brunette's wrongdoings, always blaming himself and never holding karl accountable, but isn't that what you do when you love someone? either way, sapnap finds, strangely, that he actually wants to blame karl for his weight gain.

the brunette has taken time away from streaming, maybe for a month and a bit now and, whilst he still films for his youtube as well as mr beast, he certainly has a lot more free time. it seems, during this time, karl has taken up the hobby of cooking, and practically every day he has made a new dish for sapnap to try.

it was fun to start with, and there's no doubt that everything the other creates is nothing short of mouth-watering, but sapnap isn't blind to the way that the pounds have started creeping up again.

he tried so hard to be perfect, especially when he was living with dream and george, and he would keep to a regular workout routine and eat healthy food with the tall blond (darn george never had to try), but now it's all falling apart. he's getting ugly again, like he was in texas, like he was the last time he was in a relationship.