Notebook

Thirty-Five

Nathan didn't move for hours after they returned from the appointment.

He kicked off his shoes, threw himself down on Aiden's bed and covered himself in the blanket, hiding entirely underneath it.

Seeing him so vulnerable, scared and hurt broke the younger boy's heart.

It didn't matter that the older boy had turned eighteen a few weeks prior and was technically an adult. Inside he was still a terrified, lonely child who couldn't process his feelings.

He wasn't the confident, fearless character he pretended to be.

In his heart, he was that thirteen-year-old boy who woke up alone in his house, filled with pain and with no one to help him. Nathan was still the child who wandered the street in the middle of the night, desperately calling his best friend because he didn't know what was happening.

Aiden lay behind him for a while, climbing under the blanket and wrapping an arm around the older boy's waist.

It was the first time since their relationship began, but Nathan didn't react to his touch. He didn't shuffle closer to the orange-haired boy or stroke his hand in acknowledgement; he just lay in a tiny, deflated ball.  There was no reaction when Aiden kissed the back of his head or nuzzled his skin.

The dark-haired boy just lay there in total emptiness.

That was when the younger boy knew he needed help.

He needed everyone.

Aiden slid himself away and reached for his phone on the desk. He sent out a quick SOS message to his friends and waited. It was less than two minutes before Jago responded, saying he was on his way to assist.

Not long after, Evan and Reid were stopping off to collect pizza. Matt was bringing junk food to accompany the pizza, and Jasper was on his way to help the clumsy boy so he didn't destroy half the store.

Nathan didn't say a word when Aiden announced their friends were on their way. He stayed, curled up under the blanket, hiding from the world.

He hid from the reality that in two weeks, he would lie in a hospital bed again, leaving his future in the hands of strangers.

He was scared. He was more scared than he'd ever been.

So he just lay there. Ignoring the world until he heard a familiar tapping on the door, and Aiden got off his desk chair to open it.

"Hey," Jago's voice rang out in the darkness.

Nathan knew what was coming. He knew what the oldest boy in their group would say and do, and he wasn't ready. He wasn't prepared to acknowledge his fear yet; he needed to wallow for a little longer.

But he wasn't going to get the choice.

He could hear Jago whispering to Aiden, warning him about what may come and telling him not to worry. Not to react or freak out because everything would be okay.

That pissed Nathan off. But not as much as the older boy ripping his safety net away and dropping it on the floor, all with a hard face and an eyebrow raised.

"Get up," Jago said in an uncharacteristically stern voice, showing no signs of his usual playful giggling or silly antics.

The prone boy ignored the command, glaring into space as he tried to suppress the bitterness boiling inside him.

That giant idiot always came in with his stupid broad shoulders, trying to save the day. He always had wise words and kind hands, and Nathan hated it.

He hated when he couldn't regulate his own emotions. He hated that he depended on the other boys so much and needed them to dig him out of the dark holes his mind spiralled into.