Notebook

Nine

Aiden was on edge.

His heart pounded as he wiped his hand on his jeans, hiding the evidence of his sweaty palms. Battling the temptation, he refrained from picking at the bruise on his hand.

He was deeply agitated, and the typically soothing atmosphere of the coffee shop couldn't ease his nerves.

The last few weeks were incredible. Genuine happiness filled Aiden for the first time in years. The constant crippling terror plaguing his life was slowly but surely slipping away. Steadily, it was becoming easier to walk through the school corridors.

Aiden didn't feel the usual overwhelming panic that made him want to sprint from the building. The powerful sense of being watched and followed vanished, and the need to be constantly vigilant and aware started to fade.

It wasn't completely missing.

Some days, if Aiden hadn't slept well or went to bed too late, that had a knock-on effect. On those days, much like today, he struggled to stay calm.

The panic attacks were intense. His body would tremble with fear as he woke from lucid nightmares, struggling against the bed cover that pinned and suffocated him. Alone in his room, Aiden would do one thing he'd never been able to do before.

He sent messages to his friends.

Usually, at least one of the boys was awake late into the night. The boy with pink hair never explained why he was awake, but they always talked until he felt better. Part of Aiden was sure they knew, but they never said anything.

Late-night conversations with Jago and Jasper were filled with silly chats and funny videos. They always made him more relaxed.

Matt's conversations were enlightening and educational. They would talk about the past, generally Matt's, or the future. He would share information on the other boys or something he'd read that day.

The older boy was like a big brother that Aiden didn't know he needed, but definitely wanted.

He ended up being the third wheel when he chatted overnight with Reid and Evan, but he didn't mind. The boys displayed such love-struck and romantic behaviour towards each other that it warmed Aiden inside. He hoped to have that one day. Their love remained pure and radiant, even through text messages.

Yet, the midnight conversation that Aiden adored above all else took place with Nathan.

The beautiful boy was open and honest from the start. He loved his sleep; so if he was awake, there was a good reason.

Sometimes he played video games with Jago, completed homework with Matt, or watching a movie.

And at times, he experienced mind-numbing pain.

In times of difficulty at night, Aiden would frequently be the one to send the initial text to Nathan. The older boy always sent the last because he always outlasted the younger boy.

Their conversations had a calming effect. The pair would chat about movies, comics, games and whatever they'd got up to during the day. They teased one another over stupid things they did, like Nathan stumbling over the rug again.

They would talk into the early hours until they fought to stay awake. And every time, Aiden would fall asleep with a smile tugging at his lips.

Everything was good.

Every day, Aiden went to school and then shared his day with his parents. He was feeling stronger and more confident.

The pink-haired boy hid less. He dressed in a way that made him happy, abandoning his safety blanket of jogging bottoms and t-shirts and picking out things he'd neglected long ago. Vibrantly patterned shirts, floral button-ups, and skinny jeans.