Notebook

Thirty-Four

Despite holding Aiden's hand tightly, Nathan was agitated and couldn't control the anxious energy coursing through his body.

His right foot tapped against the floor constantly as his free hand scratched the back of his neck. The brunette huffed and sighed as he fidgeted in the waiting room chair.

He didn't want to be here. He hated hospitals and hated the powerful stench of sanitiser.

Aiden tried to comfort and engage him in conversation, but it was no use; he couldn't and wouldn't communicate.

Nathan was trying to keep control of his anxiety and didn't know how to have a conversation and hold himself together at the same time. He didn't mean to ignore the younger boy, but he just didn't feel strong enough.

The older boy hadn't spoken all morning. He tapped a few short messages into his phone, but other than that, he remained utterly silent, fighting his demons and trying not to give in to the urge to disappear and ignore his situation.

When the couple went to bed the night before, Nathan couldn't lay still, which told Aiden how stressed he was about the impending appointment.

He barely slept all night, frequently shifting and disturbing the younger boy until he got up and sit at the desk, watching a movie through the laptop, until his eyes burned and couldn't hold out any longer.

The older boy didn't get up in the early hours often, but he felt bad for keeping his boyfriend awake.

The pair were going to see a specialist and discuss what was involved with the surgery Nathan needed.

But the wait was killing him.

Aiden's tiny hands weren't enough to repel the stress flowing through him, even when they raked through his hair. The usually comforting motion wasn't helping.

Nathan wanted to scream, shout, and run away.

Maybe this was the wrong decision.

There was still time to pull out and go home.

If Nathan wanted to, he could stand up and walk out of the hospital waiting room and never look back. He didn't have to do this.

Aiden forced the older boy's hand away from the back of his neck before he hurt himself. He was scratching so hard that the skin was inflamed and glowing bright red; it wouldn't be long before the skin broke if he carried on this way.

The orange-haired boy massaged the boy's neck, trying to ease some of the tension he was holding.

His tense muscles couldn't be helping his constant shoulder and neck pain.

"We should get some coffee after this," Aiden suggested, pressing his thumb into a deep, painful knot, feeling the dark-haired boy stiffen.

Nathan pressed his lips tight, shrugging with one side in response to the idea. He struggled to think past the next few minutes, let alone what he wanted to do after the appointment.

The light-haired boy suppressed the urge to sigh.

He understood the older boy's fears and concerns better than anyone. He knew what it was like to feel out of control, waiting for things to happen.

Aiden understood how it felt to feel that weak and vulnerable, but he hated seeing him this way.

After having a fantastic weekend celebrating Nathan's birthday and several more relaxed, laid-back weekends, this hard, distant boy was hard to deal with. This was the person Evan had described in those early days.

The teenage boy who shut off from his friends, resisted comfort and support and bottled his feelings inside.

Aiden wanted the happy, easy-going boy back after this appointment.