Alina

Anastasia

(AN: if you don't remember, Anastasia was Alina's caretaker from the first chapter)
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I remember my life before I got involved with the Bratva. I had so much, but I was an idiot.
I gave up my name, my home, my entire life for the Russians.

I know I can't undo the past, but I've done all I can do to right my wrongs through my girl, Alina. My Allie.

Alina, oh how I miss that child.

I looked out for her as best as I could. She was my chance to fix everything, to make my life worth something again. She gave me a purpose.
I was going to get her out one day, I had to. I already lost my own children, I couldn't lose her too. I loved Allie as if she was my own child. Her kin abandoned her, I wouldn't.

It pained me more than anything in the world to see her broken on the floor every time I went down to her room. Yet whenever I walked through that door, she'd somehow always manage to smile.
Whenever I would deliver her meals, I'd slip in kids medicine with nutrients and vitamin powder so I could help her even a little bit. It broke my heart that I couldn't do anything more. But if I stepped out of line, I'd be killed and Alina wouldn't have anyone at all. She would be alone and I will never let that happen.

The security cameras never stopped rolling, I couldn't actually do anything while they had their eyes on me. The Ivanov brothers have been suspicious of me from the start. Nikolai Ivanov ordered that I specifically would go to that states to care for Alina, his sons didn't like that at all. That wasn't surprising though, they never liked me anyway.

Because I was the only one outside the family who knew about Alina, I did everything for her. From when she was just a baby to the day she escaped, I was her mother.

I fed her,
I rocked her to sleep,
I bathed her,
I was there for her first steps,
I was there for her first words,
I was there when her 'brothers' should've been.

They simply just watched through a camera most of the time.
Quei codardi.
*those cowards

When she was a baby and the boys were actually present, it was very odd seeing Alexei and Dmitri interact with her. They were clueless in every aspect, so I had to teach them how to hold her so she wouldn't be dropped on her head. They even fed her a bottle a few times before it 'wasn't their thing' anymore.

The abuse didn't start until she was newly 2 years old. Looking back now, it was as if her brothers were deciding on whether to treat her as a prisoner or as a sister. They made their choice and it broke my heart. She didn't understand what was happening. Allie loved when her brothers would come down. She'd always reach for Alexei, wanting him to carry her. He looked disgusted, but always did it anyway.

I had given myself false hope for those first months of her life that maybe this little girl would change them. That she had changed them. I thought they'd give her every she deserves. But they didn't. They took right after their father and harmed the one thing they loved and cared for. They didn't understand it, and that scared them.

I was there to see Nikolai's sons grow up. I saw them change from young, innocent boys to cruel, heartless men far too quickly.

Alexei is all sorts of messed up. Nikolai traumatized him in a way in which he'd never recover. His scars run deep. He thinks I don't know, but I know everything that happens in the house. I'm everywhere. Always listening. Always observing.

Dmitri doesn't know exactly what his brother went through. Alexei never told his little brother any of it. He thinks his PTSD makes him weak, but it doesn't. It makes him a person. A person that can actually feel. But he doesn't want any part in that. Correction, it's not that he doesn't want any part in it, it's that he's afraid to have any part in it.