Koh-i-Noor

Jesus in Trouble (Expanded Edition)

What better way to kick off a tribute to you than by expanding your favourite poem?

The poem that started it all.

When I first wrote this, I had no idea how significant it would be in my future, but I am extremely grateful that you found this poem, enjoyed it and decided to enter my life because of it.

I hope you enjoy this expansion!

Jesus Christ committed a visa heist then slipped on a pizza slice and some freezer ice.
Then the cops said to drop or they'll pop their guns, he tried to stop their fun

But was arrested, taken to court to stand trial and be tested, answering questions while being molested

By Christians asking if he can heal their wrists again. The judge said "Jesus are you pissed again?" No I just missed my brain

The judge proceed the trial but Jesus was in denial and thought it was vile that he's been jailed for a while.

In prison he told stories of how he's risen from the dead, the others told him it was all a vision in his head but instead he talked about how he nailed Mary with quick precision in bed!

Still in the slammer, talking to goons with a stammer sounding like they got hit in the head with a hammer and the grammar? He's heard better from Bruce Banner

He's got to escape from this zoo with the apes too dumb to know what to do with their grapes, throwing them across the room with their crêpes, would make it a viral video if he had the security tapes

He's hatching a plan to sneak out while the guards on tinder matching a man then he's thinking of snatching a grand

From the nearest bank to buy new clothes because his current ones stank and were pretty damn rank, normally he gets with supermodels and angels, but in theses rags, even skanks are saying "no thanks"! So he needs the new clothes and he needs the cash because his current accounts blank

Out of the cell, down the hall, out the front door and over the wall, he's finally free from it all, but he's got to keep running, they'll catch up to him if he stalls or falls, his first stops the bank, then off to the mall

The bank clerk was a jerk and it made Jesus go berserk, he shouldn't have come to work because that's one more person Jesus had to murk and he did so with a evil smirk

Got the cash from the safe he destroyed like a vandal, went to the shops and got a new robe and clean sandals, gone from a handful with a scandal to looking as hot as the candles in your pandal

Ran to the safe house on Seventh Ave, not quite as elegant as his Heaven gaff but it's still one of the best that Devon have, he still absolutely reeked though so when he got in, he had eleven baths

Later that day, his roommate asks "hey Jesus, want this pizza slice?" Jesus freaks out but the geezers nice

He said "sorry, I had no way of knowing " Jesus didn't buy it and smashed his toe in, dragged him to balcony and was about to throw him when he saw the flashing lights of a cop car glowing...

Begged his father for help but God just said "welp", the cops ran in, grabbed Jesus as he let out a yelp

Tried to break free but roommate kicked him in the knee then three cops jumped on him and escorted him to the police 330d

He's been re jailed, his escape plan derailed and he failed, he'd rather be up on the cross with his hands and feet nailed, but that ship has indeed sailed and because he's escaped once, it was detailed that he can't even be bailed, to make matters worse, his robe and sandals were sold for way less than they retailed to some random ass dude that Emailed...

It was from his roommate, it said "when he gets out, his tomb waits"

He's not ready to die yet, so to take his mind off the threat, he decided to try ket that he stole from the vet