Me, Myself and I

Chapter: Myself

"My journey had just begun, I couldn't take it anymore"

I have come this far, that'll be a waste of time to look back on the past, and yet it won't change anything. Even though, I feel like I want to change the past. There are too many things I have regretted, hoping I could re-do. Tears coming down from my eyes I was hoping it was tears of happiness. My heart breaking torn into two instead, it melts with the pleasure of happiness. I can't stop crying I wish I could cry with my happiness. I was thinking I'm not that worth living and there is nothing I could do, it's a dead-end for me. I am stuck on one's place which I couldn't move forward nor turn back.

I told myself and tried to give a piece of pieces of advice, but it didn't seem to work that way. No words can trespass the limit. My inner self had been damaged in half. Somehow part of my body felt like a dead body. Everything seemed to be unsettling. Time kept ticking, it was running fast than I was expecting, and it kept chasing me all the way down. I cannot even breathe properly, my chest was tightened, and it was hurting me so badly.
There were no other painful moments that I've felt more than that.

My life has been treated me bad. I just wanted to have a normal life, I wanted my life like others. But life is not just about it, and that's not how life supposed to work, and I'm not looking for those things. Sometimes I got jealous of some people I used to see, random people.
Their friends were always coming to their house, staying, playing, and even hanging out in their place.
I heard their sound of laughing out loud from outside, I wish I could have experienced something like that too.
I'm not the type of person who likes to talk to, I may sound introverted and a little bit cold, I'm not saying that I'm cold when I don't have any heart, I'm just not that easily getting feelings of sympathy or empathy to the other. They told me I'm different, "okay" as I replied. I don't care about what people talk about me as long it's not bothering my mind and heart.

It's funny to see people when wanting one's life to be the other and the other wants our life. It's not about a desire to own someone's else life.
It's how we are thankful and grateful for the life we've had.

I'm happy to live my life as it is, I love my life, and I won't be stronger than like this if this is not my life. Thank you life, you taught me many lessons. "I'm not going to give my life to anyone"
And this is how I told myself "Speak to yourself,
that your life is wonderful, it makes you who you are and what you are, stop wanting to be in others' life, their life won't make you who you are now"