Secret texting M.R

28

We have only been here for a few days but the beach has already become my safe place. The sound of the waves, the sand between my toes and the fresh air. It's a comfort.

"Look who the fish brought up," I can hear the smirk in his voice, and I roll my eyes. My back facing him.

"What do you want?" I take a sip of the fire whiskey in my hand as Mattheo sits down beside me.

"I wanna talk," he grabs the bottle from my hand and drinks a bit. I inspect his face, his lips touching the bottle. I'm screwed.

"Maybe I don't want to talk to you," I say. My face faces him, and his eyes meet mine. A smile takes place on his gorgeous face, and I try to look away.

"I don't hate you. Pretty much the exact opposite." I frown at my brows. Thinking of his words. There's no right thing about those words.

"The opposite of hate is love. If you meant to say like then-" He smiles a little, and I shut my mouth.

"You're right. I might not love you, but you'll always be more than a friend, even if you're dating Adrian. First love doesn't leave that easy." He looks out over the ocean, and it feels like his words hit me in the face. First love.

"I-You can't just show up here telling me I'm your first love after everything that has happened between us." He smiles a little, not facing me, and I grow irritated.

"It's my only chance. We will return home tomorrow and act as if nothing happened. You would fight for Adrian. So if  I didn't say it now. When would I?" Now he's facing me, and I gulp.

"I'm going to ask you this once and for all. And when you've answered, you can leave or find what you're looking for in Adrian. Just answer my question." I look down, sucking in my lip.

"Do you still want Adrian, or did that night... Did it mean anything to you?" His voice sounds sad, almost like he doesn't want me to answer it, but he needs me to.

"We were drunk. I don't remember-"

"Then what about our deal? I don't remember us being drunk when I kissed you or when we laughed about stuff in the library." I hold in my tears, not wanting to face the truth. I can't.

"I can't..." He frowns.

"Why? Tell me, Gracie." I shake my hand, standing up, almost falling to the sand, but he grabs my hand.

"Why..." He looks into my eyes, and I try to break eye contact, but it's impossible.

"Because I don't want to be the girl you use and then leave. Everything I have saved for that guy, you will take and rip open, and I fucking can't. Okay?" I wipe away a tear, and he stares at me sadly.

"You think you're the only one who saved something? Maybe you're the one to blame. All these years, I have saved my heart. And now you're here ripping it all open. So tell me, Gracie, who should be blamed? Me for something you think I would do? Or you who already did something." I did nothing... He is lying. He can't...

"Mattheo..."

"I'm not going to force you to love me. I don't even need sex or a fucking shit. I just need to know if you feel anything. When I touch you." his hand leans up my arm, and I freeze.

"When I look at you or when I'm even around you. Do you feel what I do?" I close my eyes. Not wanting to confess the truth, I don't even know if I know the truth.

"I should go..." I meet his gaze, and he looks at me with sad eyes. He wants me to say it. He needs me to say it. But I don't think I can., or I will end up hurt.