From Beginning to End

Chapter 16

I couldn't be weak. There wasn't time for it right now. More than anything, I had to be strong for the both of us.

My fingers shook as I reached out to ring the doorbell of Jake's mansion. After visiting the doctor and finding out the truth I had already known in some corner of my mind, calling him became less and less of an option. What would I even have said? I was having a hard time even thinking about it; trying to imagine the words coming out of my mouth was already making a cold sweat bead on my forehead. The only thing worse than telling him the news at this point was not being able to see his reaction to it. This was face to face news. And even though I was dreading every moment of it—even though I could already see his eyes widening in horror and him drawing away from me, I was desperate to get it out before I imploded.

Gritting my teeth, I forced away the nervousness that was making me unsteady and tried my damnedest to look normal instead of completely insane. This could possibly be the most important conversation I would ever have in my entire life. As a matter of fact, the conversation we were about to have could change the course of my life forever.

I heard footsteps and cleared my throat, but I was surprised when the door opened to reveal not Jake, but his mother. "Hi, Mrs. Riley," I said, a smile automatically coming to my face. She smiled back, but it didn't reach her eyes. She looked tired. But it was more than that. As I looked at her, I realized that for the first time since I had ever seen her, she looked sick.

"Crystal, this is a pleasant surprise," she responded, leaning heavily on the door. She was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. Her skin looked drawn and tight and her eyes were haggard. Her light brown hair hung limply in a hastily pulled back ponytail. At the sight of her so worn down, so defeated, I felt a deep pang in my chest.

"Yeah," I shrugged. "I just needed to talk to Jake. But how are you?"

She laughed, but the sound was dry, "Well, sweetie, I've been better." For a moment my problems felt incredibly small. Here I was, with the gift of life inside of me while it was slowly fading away from her. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but she really didn't look that great. Then again, it was only the first week of her chemotherapy. I couldn't very well expect her to be jumping around.

I smiled again, softer this time. "I'm sure you'll be better again."

Mrs. Riley nodded slowly. "I'm sure I will, too."

She was a fighter. This woman was undoubtedly the strongest person I had ever met. I still didn't know how long she had been fighting cancer. Jake never told me. But just the fact that she continued to fight, that she refused to give up was enough to give me the kind of encouragement that I needed.

She would be an amazing grandmother.

"Is everything alright, Crystal?" her wan voice snapped me back to reality and I blinked at her for a moment.

"What?"

She stared at me, a bemused look on her face. "For a second there you just looked so upset."

I swallowed hard. Was it really that plain on my face? "Oh, no I just…I guess I was thinking."

For a long moment, she gazed at me and I could swear that she saw more than she was supposed to. It made me want to take a step back…and then another…until I was running. But instead, I stiffened my spine and gazed back.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps racing towards us. "Mom?" A deep voice questioned worriedly from somewhere in the background.

I breathed a sigh of relief and took a small step away from the door, laughing nervously. After a second, Jake appeared behind his mother's slightly stooped figure. "Mom, what are you doing? You should be in bed."