Sincerely, Anonymous

February 10

February 10

Dear Annabeth,

I woke up today and realized that Kay never asked me about Emma’s replacement yesterday. She and I talked for so long about the Procedure and all the logistics of it that I missed all of lunch and half of the period after that. Kay will likely realize her mistake and try and meet with me sometime soon. Now that I know why we need all five people I should probably work harder to find a replacement for Emma, but my heart just isn’t in it.

On the bright side, school has been canceled for today. It has been raining all week and the solar power eventually ran out and now the subways aren’t running. Some people in town can’t get to school without the subways so it’s always canceled whenever the system runs out of power.

Only necessary jobs have to be performed today too, so my mom has to go to work at the Hospital but my dad can stay home since he is a Salesman to the Government. I always found my parents jobs fitting for each other. My mom is a surgeon over at the Hospital in emergency care. My dad works to sell equipment to the Government that will help improve productivity. He finds communications equipment and engines and new kinds of tablets and such that will help fix all of Moneta’s problems. My mom fixes people, my dad fixes the Government. I wonder what he will think if I am the one to successfully help the Black Tens take the Government down. 

Brianna and I decided to hang out on the day off. She lives about a half a mile down the road from me, so I biked over to her house. Usually we invite the others, they all live in the neighborhood, but Amy will be stuck babysitting her younger siblings (both her parents perform necessary jobs), and Emily is expected to spend days off at the Library of Censorship studying up for her Career. Doctor are tested for knowledge after graduation and their level of knowledge is what determines what specifically they are to do as a Doctor. Doctors are one of the few professions that gets to keep knowledge based memories after the swipe, and Emily is taking advantage of every opportunity she has.

The rain had stopped early in the morning, but the sky was still grey and cloudy. Brianna and I decided to go to the park down the street. We usually do this when we hang out. Brianna is one of the only other people I know who truly appreciates just laying in the grass. We stayed there for hours, talking.

One of the things I love about Brianna is her clothes. Clothes aren’t technically regulated, but they might as well be since the only things that you can buy are shapeless, pale, grey, and meant for productivity. Like everything else in the nation. There isn’t a lot of room for individuality in clothing. Brianna had a distant relative that had an extensive wardrobe of bright, printed clothing. The clothes were surprisingly well preserved for being so old and it surprises me that her family even thought to save them all these years. She’s the only one in her family that fits into it all.

Everything she wears is gorgeous and bright, but elegant. I think her wardrobe is wonderful, and I will admit that I have a pang of jealousy for her that she was able to inherit something so undeniably awesome. I can’t complain, I inherited the wonder of music, but her clothes make her an individual.

I remember having her over to my house, where we took a pair of scissors and some thread and tried to replicate my shapeless pale clothing into something like hers. We tried replicating the patterns with dyes and paint I stole from the art room, but nothing we made ever held a candle to the real clothing. I remember my parents being so angry at me when they saw what Brianna and I had done, but I didn’t care. I was glad that I could be an individual. Thats how I had originally begun with the practice of making paintings on my clothing

Brianna and I didn’t talk about anything of importance today. We mentioned Emma, but both shut up about it pretty quick. Talking about her hurt. I told her a little of what Kay had told me and she stayed quieter then usual and nodded her head a lot and told me how much she hated the Panel and the Government. She said the words quietly, if anyone heard we would immediately be reported to the officials and trailed.

Brianna and I couldn’t spend too much time at the park. The damp grass quickly soaked through our clothes, making us muddy and cold. We went back to Bri’s house and she let me change into some of her own clothing. I told her I would get them washed and give them back to her but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, “keep them”. I didn’t argue. Bri never let anyone wear her clothes, let alone keep them.

I knew why she was letting me have them. With the Procedures starting on June 1 we only had a couple more months before we wouldn’t even recognize each other on the street. Brianna wouldn’t remember all these clothes, or the day she let me keep the gorgeous outfit. She wouldn’t even remember me.

I tried to think of a time where I had ever worn something so beautiful. I had worn Emma’s party clothes, but those were bright not beautiful. They were like the clothes I usually wore: dyed and painted and cut up and sewed up to make them unique. 

The only time I would even get a chance to wear something as pretty as Brianna’s clothes would be for formal. It was for seniors only and as a celebration for getting your Career. They do it the week before Careers start. There’s a warehouse in town where all the dresses are stored. There are hundreds of them but they are given out randomly depending on your size. You have to fill out paperwork with all your measurements and they give you a dress that best matches your shape. Some people get really lucky and get beautiful dresses that fit them perfectly but others get dingy old things that hang loose or too tight. Brianna would never have to worry about that. She had a few dresses passed down to her with all the rest of the clothing.

I threw on my wet, muddy clothes to go home in. I didn’t want to ruin the clothes that Bri had just given me. I promised myself that I would only wear them one other day of my life: the day of my Procedure.

When I got home there was a note on the porch. “3PM, THE PARK, COME ALONE -KAY”.

So Kay had realized her mistake. I came inside and dried off and hung Bri’s clothes up, not bothering to get changed. I made sure to eat some soup before leaving, realizing I hadn’t eaten all day. I  have to be more careful about everything, even food. I can’t risk getting another cuff and blowing the Black Tens whole plan.

I got to the park early, wishing that Bri and I had just come later in the day and met Kay there so I wouldn’t have made two trips. Kay showed up at exactly 3pm. She was there for the exact reason that I expected her to be: to talk about Emma’s replacement, since we had forgotten about it the day prior. Kay cut right to the chase and I told her honestly that I couldn’t find anyone else. Kay said that the Black Tens expected that to happen and they had someone to replace her if I was willing to trust a stranger. I wan’t, but I didn’t have much of a choice. I had my chance to find a replacement and I had failed.

Kay told me that there is a girl in town named Isabella that the Black Tens had targeted around the same time they targeted me. Isabella was meant to be a part of the other group in town, but was never able to find four other people. She found three, two of which said no to helping the Black Tens. I couldn’t imagine saying no to taking down the Panel, but apparently the two girls didn’t have much to give up and were pleased with their lives, or too afraid to change it. The girl who said yes had to have her memory wiped of knowledge of the Black Tens and was put on record as being someone the Black Tens would be able to trust if they ever needed her. Isabella was left as a vital target but with nobody to help her. The Black Tens decided that Emma’s absence left a perfect spot for Isabella to join our little grouping.

They want me to meet Isabella, and befriend her so that she would too be able to work as a trigger for my memory. I don’t know how I feel about this. I can’t imagine what I would have done if any of my friends had said no. I can’t imagine knowing about what the Panel is doing and not wanting to stop it. If these are the kinds of people that this Isabella girl surrounds herself with, can she really be trusted?

I decided to go with it, there was no other choice. Kay set a date to meet for next week.

Love Always,

Lilly