Sincerely, Anonymous

January 21

January 21

Dear Annabeth,

Is it true that once your Procedure is done you don’t have an interest in music anymore? I know you can’t answer me but I wanted to ask anyway. I put music on my list of things that make me happy, I don’t even care if it’s materialistic. It’s another thing I can’t actually put in my paper. Music isn’t censored or banned but it’s always looked at as something unnecessary. Everyone says that you shouldn’t say you like music in your Panel interview. The Black Tens even told me to specifically avoid anything music related the moment that they realized I was passionate about it.

I think it has to be something to do with the Procedure, something they didn’t mean to happen and now the Panel trys to cover it up by saying the reason that all adults don’t like music is because it is childish. I asked Kay about it once and she didn’t really seem to have an answer for me, I don’t think she really cared too much to be honest, which made me realize that Kay might have had the Procedure done to her. Guess that gives makes sense. She is an adult, and there is yet to be a way to escape the Procedure. It gives her a reason to really fight, I would want those memories back too. I hope I will still like music after my Procedure. I desperately hope that you like music.

I usually don’t think about music. I never really bothered considering why other people don’t like it. I never even considered that adults not liking music might be because of the 

Procedure. That was until today. Emma is the one who got me thinking about it. In art today Emma just looked at me and said, “will you miss music?”

She does that sometimes, asks things that nobody else would think about. She explained to me what she thought the Procedure did to people’s love of music. She told me about the book Amy had gotten her through hacking the Library of Censorship: a book about the history of music. She said there used to be radio stations dedicated to music and stores that you could buy music in. Now the radio stations are just for news broadcasts and Career information and the stores are only food and goods deemed “necessary”. Music used to be something that everyone talked about and enjoyed. 

I should probably tell you a little about Emma. She is an impossibly thin girl with dark hair and ice blue eyes. She’s one of those extreme looking girls. All sharp edges and pale skin and the absolute brightest personality. She spends a lot of time with guys. And partying. She’s the only person I know well that actually parties. Not silly little get togethers, but the kind from the old times where people drink alcohol and do stupid things and kiss strangers. It’s illegal as hell but I don’t think that stops her. How can anything illegal stop any of us anymore?

I guess in a way she can’t help the way she is. She is one of those girls that boys naturally like, and she has never been the most mature in decision making. I don’t ever question what she does. She has her own life and she can choose to live it however she wants, that’s what the Black Tens have taught me. They question it. The Black Tens. They don’t even know the smallest percentage of what she has done.

Art I where Emma’s heart truly lies. It’s not a class people generally take. There can only be one person from each school going into art as their Career. There’s one art class for each year, with usually 5-10 people signed up. It took a lot of convincing for me to get the Black Tens to let me keep taking art, even though it had nothing to do with my Career. I had an extra elective spot. I signed up for the class without their permission. They never bothered me about it after that.

I think art is how we became friends so quickly. There is no doubt that Emma is the best out of the two of us, maybe even the best in Cardea. Scratch that. She is the best in Cardea.  We spend hours together in the art room listening to crazy music and getting paint everywhere. We have the same taste in music, which I find very important.

She used to tell me everything about her life during the hours that we would spend in that art room. Now she doesn’t tell me much of anything. Maybe it’s because we sit in the middle of the room now and not our back corner where nobody could hear us. Maybe its because she doesn’t want people to know everything she does anymore. I never ask, I don’t want to pry. If she wants to tell me she will.

A lot of my friends think she is irresponsible since she goes to all these parties and sees all these guys and doesn’t tell anyone everything she does. Everyone has their own way of growing up. I guess this is hers. 

When she was approached by The Black Tens she stayed silent the entire time Kay talked and then said, “what if I want to forget?” Kay didn’t have an answer for her other then that she can have her memory wiped and still help those that wanted to keep theirs. Emma agreed, on the condition that nobody would tell her anything from her past once her memory was wiped. I know Emma enough to know she will concede the second she actually get’s the Procedure. She’s curious. She will want to know any and everything she can about herself.

Emma’s Career is as an artist. Artists aren’t a common job. Mostly artists are the ones who help design the prints that go in Moneta buildings or design Government propaganda. I would have killed for her job. Of course I can’t have it if I plan to help the Black Tens. I would never have gotten it anyway. Emma is too good to have beaten in the Panel review.

Back on the topic of music, there was apparently a time when people were constantly making music and others were constantly listening. Nobody makes music anymore. Its not a Career. The only music made now is if you find yourself humming a new tune or saying random words at the top of your lungs in the shower. If you want to listen to music you have to get it from the back corner of the library, or online, or sometimes families will have passed down different music from the time before the wars and the Panel and the Careers. Not often do you find music, nobody wants to admit to listening to it, let alone liking it. The only people who listen are those like Emma and me.

I think Emma parties for the music. Parties are the only places that will actually play it loud. She said she wants to soak in as much music as she can before her Procedure. 

After school I had her come to my house and we just laid there on the cold tile floor of my bathroom so nobody could hear that we were blasting music. Just laying there for hours, having a moment in which we could soak up all the music we could before our Procedures. We didn’t say a word the entire time. We didn’t need to. This is why I know the Black Tens are the good guys. Because I want to live in a world of music.

Thats why I have to ask you a favor. I want you to find a girl named Emma Jacobs, she is an Artist. I’ll leave a list for you of all the songs I love. I want you to burn all the songs on the list on a file and give it to her. I want you to tell her to soak it in, that she can still soak it in. Thank you. You can listen to the songs too, I don’t know if you will really appreciate it since you have had your Procedure done but maybe it will grow of you.

Love Always,

Lilly