The Danse Dilemma

26. Synth Soulmates

I was shocked at the promotion Elder Danse gave me. Elder Danse. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Danse sees my face and chuckles lightly to himself. He grabs my hand and leads me to his quarters. We sat on his bed and he handed me half a sweet roll. I believe he wanted to get away from prying eyes. I munch down on my sweet roll, out of the corner of my eye I could see Danse just starring at the food, deep in thought. "Danse?"

"Do... could we talk about something?" I was a little nervous when he said that. Danse very rarely spoke about his emotions, even with me.

"Sounds important. Go ahead."

"It is important, but... I don't even know where to begin. There's so much I wanted to say." He looked from his sweet roll down to the floor.

"Take it easy, Danse. Whatever it is, I'll help you work through it." I gave him a reassuring smile.

"I don't know if anything will help me work through it." I gazed at him, worried. "I've spent my entire life... or at least what I perceive as my life... following a plan to shape my own future." He sighed. "But since my banishment, I feel lost... almost like I exist without purpose. For the first time since that moment, I signed up with the Brotherhood, I don't have all the answers. I don't have a plan." He looked away, ashamed. "And it scares the hell out of me."

"It's impossible to plan your life. Hell, I didn't expect to wake up 200 years into the future." I tried to reassure.

"Yet you've been able to roll with every punch that's been thrown at you." He looked at me now, his eyes full of hurt. "Don't you understand? Everything I had, everything I knew is gone. In the span of a few hours, my identity was ripped from me and my world turned upside down." He took a shaky breath. "At least what you had was something tangible... something real. Your husband, your son... they were living, breathing humans who loved you and cared for you." He points to the wall. "Those sons of bitches who created me couldn't even be bothered to implant memories of having siblings are parents. I don't even know how much of my own past is artificial and how much is real. Can you even imagine that?" He ran a shaky hand through his dark hair. "I started out as nothing, and I've ended up as nothing... and I don't know what the hell to do about it."

Tears threatened to spill from his eyes, he glared at the ground, holding back a wave of emotions. My own eyes were glistening. "I'm truly sorry, Danse. I guess I never realized how deeply this affected you."

"I appreciate that." He hesitantly reached his hand for mine, I interlock our fingers together and give his hand a squeeze in reassurance. He sighed. "I suppose you're right. Maybe I'm just missing the point. My life's starting over, and I need to come to terms with everything I've lost and everything I've gained." He lifted his head and gave me a weak smile. "Which includes something important you've made me realize. I don't know if its friendship, or an anomaly in my programming. After all, I'm not really human. But whatever it is, I can't deny that I'm feeling closer to you than anyone else I've ever met."

"I feel the same way, Danse. I'm only... hoping it's more than just friendship." Danse looked at me in confusion.

"You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that." He blushed, a deep scarlet red dancing over his cheeks as he looked away sheepishly.

"Look... I'm not going to lie to you. You're going to have to be patient with me... coming to terms with... well..." He gestured to himself. "Is going to be difficult but..." He looked at me again. "If we can tackle those obstacles together, I think that this relationship could last a very long time."

I smiled and ran a delicate hand through my hair, my fingers brushing something heavy that hung from my neck for too long. Nate's wedding ring. I fumbled with the clasp and it came undone suddenly, the ring falling into my lap.

"Danse, look at me." I urged. Danse lifted one leg onto the bed and turned to face me. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear what I had to say. Who could love a synth? A machine? My eyes were shining a little more than usual, I looked as if I was going to cry but was nervous all at once. "You've heard of marriage, right?" I asked. Danse felt his chest tighten.

"Yes. It still exists, it is just less common." He told me, thinking back on the the marriages he had seen in the Brotherhood. I nodded and tucked some loose hair behind my ear.

"Okay, that's what I thought. Give me your hand." I said. Danse hesitantly held a hand towards me. I laughed quietly. "No, your left hand." Danse held out his left hand and I took it in my own. "I want you to have this. I mean it Danse, I will never leave." I told him as I slipped a shining gold ring onto his ring finger. I was surprised that it fit so well. Danse stared down at his hand, repeating the words I had said in his mind. I watched him as he stared down at it. "Say something." I said after a few moments. Had I crossed a line?

Danse turned and tackled me onto my back, nuzzling his face into the hollow of my neck, my hair tickling his face. He felt me bring my hand up to rest on his back as I laughed. He propped himself up on his elbows, allowing more of his weight to press down on me, and looked down at the smiling woman beneath him.

"I love you." He told me.

"I love you too." I laughed.