Y/N and the Multiverse

safe the world

"Tessa, Tessa, hey!", someone yelled and you opened your eyes, breathing heavily. Bucky stood in front of you with his hands up and tried to keep his distance to you.
"You have to wake up", he said and you noticed you were holding a knife, ready to attack.
"Do you mind giving me the knife?", he asked and you handed it over.
"Thank you. I guess you had a nightmare and when I checked on you... you were about to travel again. I had to stop you but you tried to defend yourself. No one got hurt, don't worry."
You nodded.
"There is a room down the hallway and... if you are in there, you might not be able to travel and I would feel way better if you could sleep in there from now on, just to be sure you don't accidentally travel, okay? We won't lock you in, I just want to be sure you're safe."
"Okay", you said and he looked thankful.

A few days passed and every night you were sleeping in the room with a big mirror on the wall. Bucky had been right, you couldn't use your ability in there but since it was way different than at Hydra it was okay for you.
He tried to help you but since you weren't from his universe it was limited, he simply didn't know a lot about who you used to be. Though he had a lot of knowledge about the infinity stones and his wife.
"And destroying?", you asked him but he shook his head.
"That's what we tried to do but Thanos got in our way, he was too strong."
"But..."
"Y/n, we tried. We tried to destroy them before he could get them, we tried everything we could, I mean you...", he stopped and had tears in his eyes.
"I'm sorry", you whispered and he hugged you.
"You'll find a way. Just... don't die, okay?"
You nodded.
Examining Bucky you noticed that he wanted to say or ask something but hesitated.
"It's okay", you said and he sighed.
"You... you are here for a couple of days now and... well, don't get me wrong, but I think we should begin working on what you've been through."
You nodded.
"Okay... let's head to your room so I can ask you a few questions, alright?"
You nodded again and followed him to your room.
While you sat down on the ground in the corner of the room, Bucky sat down on your bed.
"Do you have any code words?", he asked and you shook your head.
"Any program codes?"
You shook your head again.
"Anything at all, activating something?"
"Just orders", you answered and he nodded thoughtfully.
"Would you...", he paused, not liking what he was going to ask, "tell me what you had to do in their name?"
You shook your head, you didn't want to talk about it, hell, you didn't even want to think about it in the slightest.
"I totally get that it's not easy, but maybe it'll help you talking about it."
"Torture... murder...", you said, your gaze on the ground and a tight feeling in your throat.
"Did you want to follow orders?"
You shook your head. "But I had to."
"I know... do you remember how it started?"
You shook your head again.
"What did you feel when you were with them?"
"I...", you tried to find words for what you've felt, "am a monster. Anxious. No... horrified. Empty. Lost. Broken."
"They hurt you whenever you didn't comply?"
You nodded. Suddenly you remembered killing the children and bunnies and began to breathe fast.
"It's okay, it's okay", Bucky tried but it didn't help, "you're safe. No one is going to hurt you."
"But I... but I-", you got out and felt like you couldn't breathe anymore.
"Please, try to breathe slowly. Inhale... exhale... inhale... exhale... y/n, hey, listen to me."
But you couldn't.
Bucky was completely overwhelmed and you were about to pass out any moment. Suddenly an alarm went off for a few seconds, he rushed to you and held you tight.
"Thank you", he whispered into your ear when he noticed you were breathing quite normally again. "You are safe here."
"No... others aren't...", you said and Bucky asked what you meant. "I... I am the threat..."
"You're not, believe me. They used you and you just tried to survive."
"I killed...", you sobbed.
"Me too, doll...", he whispered and gently stroke your back.

When you calmed down Bucky sighed and said: "I... I think you should try to head back."
"Wh-what...?"
"I mean to the other universe, I don't think I can quite help you... but the other Bucky might. He knows you better than I do, I suppose..." He sounded heartbroken like he was about to see someone die again.
"But..."
"I wasn't quite convinced when you were here. I thought you...", he paused and sighed, "However, we destroyed Hydra, so there is no way they could do that to you... but here you are and... we don't share a lot of memories. I don't think it's the right place to retrieve them... if we are even able to..."
"You want me to...", you stopped. You had thought you had found someone you could trust but of course not. Standing up you walked to the door fast and before you entered the hallway to travel, Bucky yelled: "The tower! Same place, another universe!" He had wanted to tell you so much more but you were gone before he was able to.