New jeans six member

Chapter 5

We started the day of with going out to get some coffee and breakfast. Something that I needed to get used to is being filmed 24/7, waking up, going to sleep, eating, EVERYTHING.

I wasn't necessarily complaining but it was a bit awkward, since I was new to this I was kinda the only one who really felt like this. We headed to this cute little cafe that hadn't been crowded like the rest.

This would be my first getting recognized by a fan... " ya I literally can't wait to go to there concert there literally so g-" the fan said pauses in her sentence as we walked in. Now some people (this is very little) don't really know about K-pop in Korea, but even if we were in America if a group of girls came in a coffee shop with camera men and a couple of body guards.

The girls stopped, "Omg wait our you guys new jeans" the one girl said, "yes we are...would you like a picture?" I said INCREDIBLY NERVOUS. "Um ya of course" the girls said pulling there phones out.

The girls got there pictures and immediately posted them on there instagrams. "Ok thank you we love you guys, also Mai your my absolute bias" one of the girls shouted as she left the coffee shop.

I felt so honored, it really made me feel special. We quickly got coffee and  left, the first thing we had to do was film a dance practice video with me in it now. We got to the studio and saw we got some matching outfits.

I thought they were the cutest things you have ever seen, they were white sweatpants with the spelling new jeans on the back. "OMG those are the cutest pants I've ever seen" I said  picking a pear up.

"Well at least we know she likes them" minji said slightly laughing. We put the pants on and stared to practice Omg. As much as I was happy that i was in the group I felt bad, with them having now relearn a dance all because of me makes me feel bad.

They work so hard then I just have to come and ruin it, while I was deep in my thoughts I felt on hand on my shoulder. I shook myself out of that mindset and looked behind me, it was hanni. "Mai bạn có khỏe không" hanni said concerned, (translation; Mai are you ok).

"Oh I'm ya Tôi ổn" (I'm ok) I said bringing myself from getting upset. "Ok well just tell me if you need anything but we need to start practice so let's go" hanni said putting her hand on my back guiding me towards others.

We started to practice and everything was going fine but I was still thinking about earlier. I love being a idol and these past few weeks have been great but I still wonder if I belong in this group.

There just so talented and I'm just....me. I don't feel really like I belong in this place, it's so surreal. In the best way possible I love it here but I feel like I cause so much stress towards everyone. I always have to ask hanni what someone said because I was still learning korean.

I would always have to ask staff for everything because I had no clue where or what anything was. I felt like I was a outcast that people had to pretend too like.

I wanted to cry or just get really angry at myself for thinking that I could do this or be like this famous idol that everyone loves but I couldn't. I couldn't let anybody know because it will cause them too much stress.

I was home sick and despite all the love from fans and the members I still felt sad. Did anyone else feel like this? Am I the only one? Maybe I'm just being annoying or paranoid but I felt helpless.

Once we got to take a break I rushed of to the bathroom, I need to collect myself, but the second I stepped foot in the bathroom I started to cry. I could even hold my tears back, they flowed out. I tried and tried to hold my tears back but I couldn't, all I wanted to do was disappear.

TW: Trama will be mentioned so if abuse makes you uncomfortable please skip this part of the story and read the next chapter thank you.

When I was a child my dad was always yelling, he was an alcoholic and was verbally abusive towards me my mother and my older brother. Once he left I had some deep trama and even depression.

Of course my mother tried to help and eventually I got over it but still deep in my heart I could still remember him telling my I was useless to this world. "BẠN KHÔNG CÓ MỤC ĐÍCH Ở ĐÂY BẠN CŨNG CÓ THỂ ĐI ĐI" (YOU HAVE NO PURPOSE HERE YOU MUGHT AS WELL JUST GO AWAY).

He repeated those words until I ran to my room and cried myself to sleep. To this day I still somewhat feel the hatred come back to my heart but I just have to remember I am needed.

With that trama and the pressure of trying to keep myself together as an idol, student, and daughter it get really difficult......

Words: 909

Hey guys, so for this chapter I wanted do a plot twist. When I read books there is always some sort of *rock bottom moment* so I decided to make one. Sorry if it was a bit extreme but I wanted to do something kinda sad for this chapter. Please, don't worry this is only for this chapter😬