If I'm Lucky {Fred Weasley}

A Much Needed Conversation

Can't promise that things won't be broken,

but I swear that I will never leave.

"Do you regret it?"

It broke my heart that Fred felt like he had to ask this, but as I pulled away to look at him, I saw that his heart was also breaking at the mere thought of the possibility.

I used my sleeve to wipe my cheeks, trying to dry up as many tears as possible. The shock of his question made me stop crying almost immediately. Now it was my turn to look straight into his glossed-over eyes.

"Of course not."

This did little to reassure him as he looked down and swallowed, not wanting me to see him get teary-eyed, "How do you know you're not just vulnerable right now?"

His voice was so sad. I understood why he asked me this, but it still hurt knowing I made him feel this way.

"Because I—" Finding it hard to get the words out, I inhaled sharply to work up the courage to say what I felt in my heart. I never admitted this to anyone, not even myself. But I couldn't let Fred continue to feel this way for a second longer. Feeling my lungs reinflate with air, the next sentence released in one long breath, "Because I had feelings for you before Cedric came along."

His head shot up to look at me. The surprise in his eyes ran deep, "You did?"

"Yeah," I whispered. Somehow gathering the strength to lift my head before nodding slowly, "I did."

"How come you never told me?"

"I didn't realize it at the time..." I mumbled, looking away while fidgeting with my hands in my lap, "Those feelings may have been there, but I didn't understand them. Then Cedric and I went on a date, and things happened so fast, and I fell so hard for him that I just-" My voice cracked as I choked on my ramble, tears threatening to fall again, "I didn't notice them anymore."

I had to force myself to admit the last sentence. That was definitely something I didn't want to tell him in case it hurt him, but I had to be honest. My body tensed with worry as I waited for his reaction.

Would he be angry? Would he want nothing to do with me? I didn't know what to expect, but it definitely wasn't what came next.

"It's okay...I understand," Fred sighed. His eyes downcasted to the bed as he inhaled deeply and breathed, "I didn't realize I had feelings for you back then, either."

"What?" My brows furrowed, "You liked me back then, too?"

"Of course I did. God, I felt so dumb!" He groaned as he rubbed his face with frustration, but I could tell it was with himself and not with me, "I didn't know how I felt until that day you asked me for a map. Then you and Cedric kissed at the party, which really solidified it for me. You have no idea how hard it was to watch you fall in love with someone else. I was so bloody jealous."

"You were jealous?"

"Why do you think I got so mad at you that night in the common room?"

Feeling ashamed to admit it, I stammered, "For a while, I-I just kind of thought you didn't like Cedric, but then things between you guys seemed to get better after you and I made up."

" 'Didn't like him?' Charlotte, it wasn't like that. My only real problem with him was that he was dating you, and I wasn't. But then I saw how well he treated you and how happy he made you that I eventually accepted things for what they were. He was a great guy, and all I ever wanted was for you to be happy...even if it wasn't with me."