Welcome To The Circus (COMPLETE)

Any home with a capital H isn't really a home at all

I stand by while the nurses rush around, taking his temperature, feeding him pills, he's covered in his own sweat, but he's gonna pull through.

He has to.

"Will you tell on us?" Laci is beside me, twiddling her thumbs, one of the nurses sighs,

"It appears we don't have much of a choice, but I won't mention you unless I have to, alright? No point the in whole school getting involved." Laci looks like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. "You two can go if you like, I think we've got this covered, you must be exhausted." Laci mumbles a thank you, and leaves, she can't get out fast enough, Levi goes with her, but turns around when he realizes I'm not following,

"Margs, you coming?" I don't even look at him, I can't take my eyes off the boy thrashing around in the bed.

"No, I think I'll stay a while." The door shuts after him, and the nurse looks up, frustrated,

"I can't get him to take this, he won't calm down." Dylan kicks off the sweat soaked sheets, and one of the nurses tucks him in again.

"Could I try? I think you're scaring him." She nods and hands me the medication, gesturing to the others to leave.

I sit on the edge of the bed, "Hey, Dyl." I say in a soft voice, and unbelieveably he hears me, he stops the thrashing and looks at me,

"Marnie, I.." I place a hand over his mouth,

"I know, it's okay, you're okay." I drop the pill in his mouth with some water, patting his face with a towel, he seems to get a little better instantly, I get a lump in my throat, I can't take the not knowing anymore, I have to ask.

"Dyl? Why did you stop? Why didn't you answer my messages, write me back? At least say goodbye?" He stares at my in disbelief for a moment, his eyes gradually regaining their sharpness.

"They told me you were dead Marnie." He reaches out and touches my face, as if he can't believe I'm here, "I gave you a funeral in my backyard, flowers and all, I wrote you a fucking eulogy." He's rambling, and I can't decide whether to laugh or cry. "I was fourteen and I lost the only person I cared about, probably the only one since." Tears roll down his flushed cheeks and he reaches out again, I catch his hand, squeezing it.

"I doubt you'll remember any of this tomorrow, so I'm just gonna say it, you're an idiot and I hate you, but Dyl, I missed you so so much." He gives a laugh that turns into a sob halfway,

"I thought I was okay, that I could live without you, perhaps I could, but Marnie, I don't want to. Getting by with all the girls and drugs, they numbed me for an hour or so, but then I was empty again. Because Marnie, when you were dead, so was I, I might as well have been. I've been kicked out of every single foster home, I put them through hell, I'm so tired of not remembering what family is like." His lip trembles and I get the feeling that he hasn't cried in a long time, he maybe never would if he wasn't so drugged up.

"Why'd you do it, why all the drugs?" I wipe his delirious tears with my thumb.

"It's the only way I could see you, and I'd forget you weren't coming back. I'm sorry, but I'd much rather get high than watch everyone die again." I think back to our skype calls, me having to comfort him whenever he had a nightmare, and him the same for me, he had them often, on account of watching his mother get murdered right in front of him at ten years old, even worse, by his own father, he spent his childhood in and out of Homes, but he insisted that any home with a capital H, isn't really a home at all. I told him that one day, he could run away and live with me, even though I didn't have it much better, at least I had a Dad. It hits me, that he has no one, no one that looks out for him, that could care if he went off the rails, so he did, and no one notices

"It's okay, I'm here, I'm alive, I'm not going anywhere, that's a promise." I lie down beside him, stroking his hand until the sobs subside, and lay there until he falls asleep.