A recollection of it all

If I Knew

If I knew you would be dead I would have

Kept the notes you gave me

The drawings

If I knew that it was so expendable

I wouldn't have taken advantage of our time together

Because quite frankly right now I know that decision you faced was hard

I wish that you didn't make me promise

A promise that is so hard to keep

Because lately I have been missing you

I wish I kept the ring

I wish I could have...

Yeah Thinking back on it people only care when you're dead

The thing is I was one of the only people who did care enough when you were alive

I would have risked life and death

Went through an eternity of pain to keep you alive

If I knew I only had a year of your beautiful face,

Your laugh,

Your hand in mine,

Your hugs,

Your secret signing to me,

Your stories,

Your wild dreams,

If I knew I only had a year of you I wouldn't have spent it trying to make you live.

I would have lived with you and lived that year to the fullest

I would have done all the things we carried on about at three in the morning

Every bucket list

Shitty cosplay deal

I would have lived the year without care

Because there is no bigger grief than what I have now

I Kept the shirt you left

The picture of you

The button

One note we passed

I'll keep that phone call locked away in my head

And the memories we shared deep within.

I wish I had.

Now I have nothing.

If I knew you would be dead

It wouldn't have been easier

But at least I would have physical remnants of your love.

What's it like to be alone on a cloud?

Because here on earth it's really hard for me

To not come up there and say hello

I wish there was visiting hours

Just to say hello

To hear you say Hi back

Because I miss your voice

The way I felt so simple

I wish I had known

Just an idea.

It'll be ok.

Life is too short to wonder about things I have got wrong.

I know that it wasn't my fault

I think I stalled it.

But If i knew you would be dead I would have taken in every minute of you.