rumours | robin buckley

7. dead-end

DEAD-END
tuesday, february 17th

What a mess.

For a while they just stood there, unsure what would, could or should happen next.

Beth's mind was going crazy, but she stayed silent. Robin's eyes were filled with worry, and Beth wanted to wipe that look away with a kiss so badly. At some point, they just left without saying anything.

They got out of the school grounds, walked probably a mile to the direction of Beth's house, and then the girl couldn't keep it all in.

"Robin." Beth started, her voice not so steady.

The other girl turned her head with a miserable sound.

"We knew this could happen. And I completely understand, if you feel like you can't do this anymore. If it's too-"

"No." Robin cut off.

Beth swallowed and spoke slowly: "Please, please, listen this time. I can't make you go trough this with me, I mean- eh. I'm just saying, it's not too late, maybe, and you don't have to stay, just- just because you feel like-"

She couldn't quite find the words. Robin looked at her, and smiled sadly.

"The damage is done, Beth."

They had had a lot of deep, heart to heart conversations: going over their past friendships in the quiet of Robin's house, going trough their childhoods while walking around town, telling eachother their worst fears and the things they loved the most.

But it had never been like this. They had never said words like this, so open, so real. This was new.

"But it isn't, maybe! This is the part where you start to hate this place even more, but it's okay, and you'll be relieved and everything will be easier when you just go."

"Don't tell me how to feel about this."

The silence was heavy.

"What?"

"Don't tell me how to feel about this."

"I'm just saying that this isn't your problem, and you-"

"Of course it's my problem!"

Robin's sudden burst shook them both. This was turning into something else.

Beth wouldn't give in. She took a deep breath: "You can still save yourself. From this."

Robin laughed, so bitter it was enough to scare the other girl.

"I don't want to save myself. I want to be with you. I really, really do. And I swear that we can get trough this. We can get trough this. Right? You shouldn't give up so easily, Beth. We knew this wouldn't be easy." Robin tried to reassure her.

This conversation was not clearing things up, it was not making sense of all this. It was confusing her more and more. Beth had to end this.

"Robin, just leave."

"Do you want that?"

"No- no, I don't-" Beth staggered, her mind going wild.

"Then- why? Why are you saying that. Do you want this to end? Do you want us to be just victims of rumours? Rumours, Beth! Just a tragic love story? And we- we used to think that we were better than this, like things like this wouldn't affect us."