Me and derek shepherd have known eachother since we were just five years old. We were always friends but then our relationship became physical when we turned just 12.
It was no more than holding hands, of course. But at our young age, we were basically married. We were so stupid.
At 14, our relationship turned into more, and at just 15 years old I got knocked up. We're now 17 and we are not together... but we do have a daughter.
We were idiots. We just thought it was cool to have sex and didn't even use protection. We only did it once before she was conceived but that was all it took.
"Derek shepherd! Open this door now!" I bang and kick the door of his house hard. "Mommy" my toddler says tearfully. She's stood next to me. She's 2. Her name is Evelyn.
The door opens. "Meredith what the f-" He stops as he sees Evelyn. "Hi baby" he kneels down to her. "Daddy!" She hugs him. He picks her up.
"Are you okay?" He strokes her hair. She nods. "Meredith you were scaring her!" He says. "Your family haven't given me money in 2 months.. I can't afford to pay for her stuff anymore" I say. "We've been sending checks" he furrows his brows.
Derek's family is rich. They own a huge business. Mine is not. My mom works full time as a waitress. I take Evelyn for most of the time but derek pays for all of her stuff. Only, he hasn't for the past couple of months.
"I haven't got any checks" I say. "I'm sorry, I'll sort it out?" He says. "Okay" I say.
I go to take her but he steps back. "Please.. let me have her for a bit longer.. I haven't seen her in two weeks" he says. I sigh. "Fine" I say.
We walk to the living room and sit down. He sits her on his lap. "Have you grown even bigger?" He asks in a playful voice. She giggles.
He is an amazing dad. He'd do anything for her. The reason he doesn't see her more is because of me.
I know it's horrible but he hurt me when he broke up with me and I don't want him to just leave our daughter one day too. I don't want her to get too attached and then be broken if he leaves.
"I missed you so much" he whispers, hugging her. She claps her hands as they pull away. He smiles, holding her small hands in his.
"Can I please have her tomorrow?" He looks at me. "No" I shake my head. "Mer please" he says. "Peas" she says. I smile at her.
"Fine, just keep her tonight and I'll come and get her in two days" I say. "Okay" he smiles hugely. "Thankyou so much" he says. I grab my bag and stand up.
"Call me if you need anything" I say. "Okay" he says. "I love you" I kiss her head. She smiles at me.
"Bye" I say. "Bye" he smiles. I go home. I walk into my house. "Where's the baby?" My Mom asks. "Staying at Derek's tonight" I say. She rolls her eyes. "He's her dad" I say.
"You didn't have your dad and you were fine" she says. I sigh and go upstairs. I climb into bed and pull the covers over myself. My lip trembles.
Nobody knows how bad my mental health is. It's my own fault. I push people away.. like derek. He's the best guy I've ever met and I just pushed him out of my life after he broke up with me.
He only did it because it was what's best for our daughter. I hate myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why do I do this?
