Taking A Step Closer To You

PART SIX: LOVE OR LUST?

Was it love... or a lust?

Iyon ang paulit-ulit na pumapasok sa isip ko. After we had sex, we talked a bit. Nang mapansin niyang tumatahimik na ako ay nag-offer si Felix na mag-stop over kami at kumain muna but I insisted to go home.

Sa buong biyahe ay tahimik pa rin ako at sa bintana lang nakatingin. Nirespeto naman iyon ni Felix at hindi na rin siya kumibo.

Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. I know to myself that whatever we did, it was consensual and I liked it. Pero matapos naming gawin iyon, after we shared kisses and the warmth of our bodies, bigla akong nag-overthink.

Kung totoo ang sinasabi nilang womanizer si Felix, he surely had a lot of body count. Sa dami niyon, for sure, he had a share of hot encounters. How would he rate me, then?

At ngayong ibinigay ko na sa kaniya ang katawan ko, is it the end, gayong nakuha na niya ang gusto niya?

I can't deny the fact that Felix is a pro. His moves and his touches were enough to tell me that he has been doing it for a long time.

Nanliliit ako sa sarili ko. Sa dami ng problema ko, nakuha ko pang dagdagan. I know I sounded so damn dumb.

"We're here," Felix said.

Doon lang ako bumalik sa realidad. Nasa labas na kami ng apartment ni Blaire.

"Oh..." tugon ko. "Thank you."

"What's wrong?" tanong ni Felix.

"Huh?" maang kong tanong.

"May nasabi o nagawa ba akong hindi mo nagustuhan?" tanong nito sa akin. "Bigla ka kasing nanahimik at ayaw man lang akong tingnan."

He stopped and partly bit his lower lip.

"Was I bad?" he asked once more. "Didn't I... satisfy you?"

"No, no," defensive kong sagot. "You were... so damn good."

Totoo naman iyon. Hindi nagmamadali si Felix. He was always making sure that everything he did was pleasurable to me.

"It's just that... marami akong iniisip ngayon. Hindi siya tungkol sa 'yo kaya hindi mo kailangang ma-bother. It's something... personal."

Tumangu-tango siya. "Okay, I understand. Kung may maitutulong man ako, you have my number, you can always call me."

"Okay," sabi ko. "Gagawin ko."

"Maia..." panimula niya. "Hindi mo naman ako igho-ghost after nito, 'no?"

"Uy, hindi ah!" sabi ko. "Hindi ako ganoon."

Felix smiled at me. "Promise?"

Tumango ako. "I promise."

"Sabi mo 'yan, a," he said and his smile widened. "So, good night?"

"Good night at salamat sa paghatid," sabi ko sa kaniya.

"Thank you for trusting me, Maia. It was an out-of-this-world experience."

"Likewise," sagot ko. "Sa uulitin."

Ngumisi si Felix at napatakip ako ng bibig.

"I mean... Sa uulitin... see you again, it means. Hindi—hindi sex ulit—"

"I know, I know," natatawang tugon ni Felix. "You don't have to feel defensive, gets ko naman, natawa lang ako."

"Good, good," sabi ko. "So... paano?"

Binuksan ni Felix ang pinto para sa akin at lumabas na ako.

"Good night, Maia," sabi ni Felix at nakasilip sa bintana. "Sana'y 'di mo nga talaga ako i-ghost."