halcyon {joe sugg & caspar lee}

eleven

Caspar's mind went blank. He stood so still even statues couldn't compare. Oli's straight, was the first thing that came into his head, Oli's always been straight. Oli doesn't like guys, and if he did, he wouldn't like...

Caspar didn't feel the pain at first. The only thing that alerted him of what Oli had done was the loud crack and the force that made his back smack against the wall. No, the pain came after. Numbly, at first, and then so terrible it made him cry out.

"Ah!" Caspar screamed, throwing his hands up to his face. With one eye closed and one open, Caspar peered at Oli, who stood staring down at Caspar now looking more worried that angry.

"Fuck," Oli sighed, "fuck."

"You two alright?" Joe called from upstairs.

Joe hadn't moved since the two went downstairs, and he was happy watching a re-run of Modern Family when a muffled cracking noise came from downstairs, making him jump. A few seconds later, he heard Caspar cry out. Joe sprang to his feet and got ready to run downstairs... but it was only Oli downstairs with him, he remembered. Oli wouldn't do anything to him. And why was he so worried anyway? Caspar was a grown man; he could take care of himself. What was wrong with Joe? He'd never worried like this before. The stress from the fall must have been putting him on edge...

"What are you going to do?" It'd been five minutes since anyone in the room spoke. Timidly, Caspar had decided to break the silence.

"Deyes has fucked us both over," Oli looked defeated. With tears in his eyes he slid down the wall next to Caspar, "I'm so sorry, Casp. I... I really love him and I just... fuck."

"I don't love him," Caspar admitted, "we were both really drunk at Joe and I's party and one thing lead to another and it happened, and then again when we were in Brighton. I didn't mean for it to, I promise. But Zoe really loves him, Oli. What are we going to do?"

With his lips pressed so tightly together they were turning white, Oli shook his head, "we're just going to have to keep quiet. I'm not ruining their life."

"But you love him."

"I know."

"I don't want you to hurt, Oli."

"What other choice have we got?"

"I suppose so..." Caspar stood and held a hand out to Oli, helping him up.

"What are you going to tell Joe?" He asked, gesturing to Caspar's face. Glancing quickly in his mirror, Caspar could see a large red mark on one side of his face that was already beginning to go purple at the edges. That would be hard to cover.

Caspar took a large gulp of air, his eyes threatening to fill with tears. Not wanting to spend any more time with Oli alone, he headed upstairs.

Joe's heartbeat finally calmed when Caspar jogged up the stairs, followed by Oli. It sped up again when he turned to see Caspar, with a red punch mark on one side of his face. Oli's eyes were filled with tears, but Oli was trying furiously not to let it show.

"What the fuck happened to you two?!" Joe questioned, standing up to examine Caspar's face closer. It was bright red, with hints of purple already showing.

"We were messing about and it got too far. It's all Oli's fault," Caspar mumbled, shuffling past Joe and heading for the kitchen. Joe saw him stand on his tip-toes to reach the highest shelf, where the vodka was kept. Joe had to clamber onto the kitchen counter to reach that shelf.

"What happened with you two?!" Joe knew for a fact that Oli knew when to stop with joking and pretend fighting with people, so if anything Joe had expected Oli to be the one coming off with a bruise.

"Caspar told you, we were messing about! I may or may not have been enquiring about a prank," Oli explained. When Joe turned back to Caspar he had grabbed a pint glass and poured it up to the top with vodka.

"Really, Casp? We've only been back five minutes," Joe's tone was kind, gentle. He even used Caspar's nickname.

"What? I'm only going to have one!" promised Caspar, holding the glass high above Joe's head, who was making a grab for it. The only reason Joe was concerned was because with Caspar it was never one, he had no self-control, he didn't know how to pace himself and it got him into bad situations. What worried Joe more was that he knew that Caspar never drank unless they were at parties or something really terrible was happening. The last time something bad happened it had started off like this, Caspar lying to Joe and pouring himself glass after glass of vodka. It had turned out that Caspar's grandma was seriously ill in hospital, and she died soon after.

"So, Joe, what's up with you? Someone told me you collapsed?" said Oli, clearly eager to change the subject. Narrowing his eyes, Joe sat as far away from him as he could get on the sofa.

"Yeah. I wasn't feeling too good. Happens to a lot of people, apparently. Caspar and Zoe and everyone were really panicking though. They waited at the hospital all night for me," Joe shot Caspar a small smile which wasn't returned.

"So what do they think caused it?"

"They don't know for sure but they think the stress I'm under at the moment's affecting me, I felt off that day as well so that didn't help."

"Yeah, you must be under a lot of stress living with Caspar."

"Oh, shut up, Oli."

Whilst Joe and Oli talked, Caspar's world was crashing around him. He couldn't stop Oli from telling everyone about him and Alfie, and if he did it would ruin not only his career, but his friendship with Joe. He was sleeping with his sister's boyfriend; if Joe found out he would never speak to him again. And then Caspar would be alone. He took another big gulp of the bitter liquid as Oli stood.

"I'll be off, boys. I'll see you soon!" he seemed cheerful enough, but as he was walking towards the door he shot a glare at Caspar.

As soon as he had gone, Joe turned to Caspar.

"What happened with you two? Don't lie to me, Casp. I know you weren't messing about, how did you get that bruise? Did Oli do it?" Joe, with furrowed eyebrows, was standing across the bar from Caspar, his eyes examining the mark over and over.

"Would you just fucking leave it Joe? I've explained again and again what happened," Caspar snapped, not really meaning to. He'd finished off his glass, and it had definitely affected him.

"Why are you being such a dick?" Joe questioned, moving to stand in front of him.

"I'm not doing anything," Joe let out an exasperated sigh.

"You're not being honest with me, Casp. We're best friends! You're supposed to tell me your shit!"

"You're trying to lecture me about being honest? You've been hiding something from me for months, and I'm going to find out what it is!" Caspar was yelling now.

Joe's eyes widened as he stumbled a few steps back, "I'm not... I'm not hiding anything from you."

He'd hurt him. He'd hurt Joe, he'd hurt Oli, he'd hurt Zoe, all he could do was hurt people. Caspar's vision blurred, but this time he didn't care. The tears finally came as he crumbled in a heap on the floor.

"Fuck," he stated, "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck."

"Jesus christ, what's wrong with us?"

+who watched joe's new video last night?! jaspar made me cry. (kinda mad at oli and caspar's friend for cutting in, though. i wanted more clips like that one at the end that i can't even talk about because i'll get emotional again)

anyway, BAD OLI. YOU CANT HIT CASPAR. someone send him to the corner, i cant even look at him.

one more thing, i just wanted to update you all on the update schedule. i've got a lot of free time after i come home from school now so i'm going to try my best to upload once a day (maybe once every two days) and at least three times over the weekend (because i get really excited for sugg sunday)