Cracked To the dredges

Chapter 6: I didn't Know Light shines through Shards

          It rained when I left, the sky a bout of thunder an torrentous rain. I bought myself a train ticket and then drifted over to dunkin doughnut's right near the station to grab a whole box of assorted doughnuts an coffee. Yes, it was all for me--I needed to arrange my emotional and logical side and nibbling on sweet ecstasy while pondering was the only known way to do it.

         As I picked up a red velvet and cheese cream stuffed doughnut and bit into its tepid crumbliness, the train pulled into the station. I got my small luggage and box onto the train settling in an empty seat. 

          As I slowly ate the doughnuts piece by piece I started rationalizing everything that happened in the past few days. Everytime I was in trouble I had a conversation with my mind and figured it out, that was my way of self reassurance and confidence.

          Lately a voice other than mine had gotten into my head and I only realized now it was my wolf. Surprisingly where she was supposed to be on the emotional side, and I the rational one, she was about the same level of rational as I was. I needed to be in shape emotionally to be able to deal with my new life. First off, I had to reckon this whole mate situation. Then surprisingly right as I thought this, I heard something in my head.

          As a gossamery whisper in my head it breathed, You don't need to be understanding, be honest with me, what do you seriously think this guy is all about? I was stricken with curiosity as my wolf communicated with me so kindly taking into account my feelings and notions rather than her more primal, intuitive ones.

             I replied in my mind, I know he didn't really ever love me and never considered me his mate. I was a rag and nothing else, and frankly I feel no connection with him on an intellectual level rather than just a physical pull. Ms. Gossamer as I called her now (and she silently consented) said, I know his primal wolf must miss me but you can't rationally live with someone who has two parts. Even if his wolf and I get along, you wouldn't with the human side of him and that comes first and foremest therefore I couldn't care less since I am not even in touch with his wolf side that intimately.

              I suddenly felt really connected to my wolf and I felt that we had the same rational thought process of focusing on survival rather than on typing emotions into games and knots. She whispered once again Both of us know that people are not just black or white but mixes of different balances, lacking in some areas and enhanced in others. Humans and all creatures are complicated and if people who are together do not mix evenly and they do not rectify it, reality becomes painful. 

        I internally nodded telling her I get what you say and I think we are doing the right thing as our well being is more salient than that of another. The world is cruel and surviving is a complicated game that needs mastery. We will be loved later on in life, but right now we need to dream, work, and heal. She nodded with my thoughts as if in unison and both of us waited with bated breath to get off into the vast new world that we would make our own.