No Reservations (A Romantic Comedy)

Chapter 24

2016

I'm going to need to find a new job.

That's my first thought when I open my eyes the next day.

I can't possibly stay here, now. I won't be able to meet Ryan's gaze without remembering the fire in his eyes; look at his lips without recalling how sweet his kisses tasted. My whole body is heating up merely thinking about what happened between us last night.

And yet, I promised I wouldn't leave him in the lurch, didn't I? I actually said "you can rely on me." If I quit now, I will literally have proved he was right not to trust me with this role. I've only been here a month, for Christ's sake. I can't bail already.

How would I explain it to my mum, for a start?

So yeah, it looks like I'm stuck here, for the time being anyway. I'm just going to have to man the fuck up.

The power has already been restored, and sunlight is flooding into my bedroom, hurting my swollen eyes. It feels like the storm never happened. Maybe it was a dream. Maybe all of it was a dream.

But as soon as I come face-to-face with Ryan that afternoon, I know it was all definitely real.

I've went for a walk to clear my head, and when I return I run straight into him outside the hotel. I actually consider just walking past and ignoring him; it's almost too painful to consider talking right now. But he speaks first.

"Hey."

Okay, in terms of effort, it's minimal, but it's a start. Better than how I was planning to act anyway. I force myself to look directly at him. He looks like he hasn't slept well, if at all. His eyes are dull, dark shadows smudged underneath; his handsome face is drawn and pale. His expression . . . Well, it freezes my heart again as it shows he's pretty much defaulted back to guarded, taciturn Ryan 3.0.

I've broken him.

So what? A little voice inside me spitefully chirps. He broke you first.

I recognise that little voice. It's the same one that told me to ghost him all those years ago.

"Hi," I reply, looking away from him again. "Looks like everything's back up and running again, eh?" I try to add a dose of false cheer to my words, but I doubt I'm pulling it off.

"Seems to be," he says tightly. There's a long pause, heavy and strained. I'm about to just turn and walk away when he speaks again. His voice is tense and shaking slightly; I can definitely sense an undercurrent of anger.

"Do you know, I was awake for most of the night, racking my brain, wrecking my head, trying to think what I must have said that hurt you so much? And I'm still drawing a blank." He sighs and when I chance another peek at him, I realise his shield has slipped again; there's no way I can avoid seeing the pain glowing in his eyes.

"I'm sure if you dig a little deeper, you'll figure it out," I mutter, my hands balling into tight fists.

"I really don't think I will." He shrugs, the mask coming back up. He scrubs a hand across his eyes, glancing away from me. "Look, I hope at some point we can talk about this and you'll explain to me what I'm meant to have said that's made you this mad at me. But for now, I guess we'll just pretend last night never happened."

I nod stiffly and walk away. "Deal!" I toss over my shoulder.

In my room I have another cry. I can't help myself. How can Ryan claim to not remember? He has to be lying. Or maybe he simply doesn't know that I was told what he'd been saying. It doesn't make it hurt any less.