Chapter 12: The Beach

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School has gotten insanely busy, and everyone has become exasperated. Alex came up with the idea to get everyone together and take a trip to the beach.

Her parents own a gorgeous log cabin with 4 bedrooms, a stone fireplace in the living room, and a gorgeous backyard with a view of the lake that is only a 15-minute walk.

It's the last nice, warm week until Autumn takes over. I get out my one and only swimsuit. I don't swim often, so there's no need for multiple swimsuits.

I'm wearing a blue, one-piece swimsuit where the straps are tied around my neck. Ella is wearing a pink polka-dotted bikini.

She loves showing off her body any chance she gets. I don't blame her. Her body is stunning. She has an Ashley Graham kind of body. I don't particularly have self-esteem issues. I just can't help, but be worried that Riley is going to see some skin of mine.

Ever since high school, I haven't been complacent with my body. I don't hate it, but constantly being surrounded by girls who would get approached by modeling agencies and them treating you like you're invincible makes you wonder if you're too flawed.

My ex was frivolous when I would try to open up about my insecurities. I didn't do it often, and I sure as hell stopped when he would tell me to just change my attitude. I needed him to tell me that I was beautiful. That I didn't have to change. That he liked me for who I was, and my body didn't matter. Or that it did matter and he liked it how it was. I needed him to tell me something. Anything. But he did nothing.

Ella inspires me to be more confident. I try to be too. Ella offered me one of her bikinis for me to wear today to get me out of my comfort zone, but I couldn't today. I have a fear of guys getting the wrong idea if I share too much skin. That fear is more electrified today knowing that Riley will be seeing me like this. I feel so vulnerable.

I put on a flowy, burnt orange summer dress, and sandals, and Ella and I head toward the cars where everyone is waiting.

I instantly feel eyes on us. I look over at Riley, and I see him look me up and down. I look away as fast as the speed of lightning. If I don't look away, my heart will start to do laps in my stomach. But looking away doesn't prevent it as I had hoped. It's already running a mile.

There's a mixture of heat in my heart and nerves in my stomach. Riley can stir up so many feelings at once, it just leaves me frustrated and confused.

"Alright, guys," Tucker says as he hits the side of the car that Elaine, Alex, Leo, and his dog ride in. "Let's head off!"

We all get into Tucker's car. Riley, Tucker, Ella, and I all drive in the same car. Ella purposely calls shotgun, and I shoot her a look, and she gives me a sardonic smile. I know she did it on purpose.

The fun beings as soon as our feet touch the sand.

The girls in the other car run straight to the beach. Riley, Tucker, and Leo get the coolers out of the trunk while Ella and I find a spot in the sand to settle our towels down.

The boys pop open a couple of beers and hang around their cars for a while.

Ella and I have gotten settled in the sand, and have been laying in the sun in our swimsuits while they chat. I'm laying on my stomach with my cheek against my folded arms under me. I start to doze off before Ella says "This is the most peace I've felt since the semester started."

"I feel that." I look at Ella and see the boys in the distance behind her. I catch Riley looking over at us.

"Wooo, what was that look for?"

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