How You Remind Me

28

"How far do you think it is from here to the ground?"

I looked up from the pile of boxes I was sitting against to see Meredith staring out the single window in the room and down into the street.

"It wouldn't matter." I shrugged "You break that ancient window and Ma will make you wish the fall killed you."

"Damn." She sighed "Who has a window in their house that doesn't open!"

"The window is for letting light in, not air."

"Really?" she scoffed at me "Thanks so much for the information! I had no idea!"

"Now who's bitchy." I muttered under my breath. She glared at me.

I didn't mean to be snappy with her, especially now that we'd been stuck in the attic for over an hour, not counting how many we had left. I decided I'd let my 'frustrations' go and try to be cordial.

Yet, no matter how friendly you tried to be with your ex, no one wants to spend an afternoon in an attic with them. There's a reason people get divorced....though lately, I was having a hard time remembering exactly what that reason was.

There was a reason that we stayed divorced though. I for one, didn't want to get hurt again, and I sure as hell didn't want to hurt her again. But at the same time, we were human. Hurting is inevitable-there was no guarantee either way. There wasn't a guarantee I would ever be happy with anyone else either.

In fact, I already knew the answer to that.

"There's not even a god damn box in here labeled Goodwill." She muttered as she paced around.

"Of course not." I sighed "This was a trick."

"Captain Obvious."

"Meredith." I huffed "Why don't we just calm down and try to make the best of our time."

"And do what?" she scoffed "Chat the whole time."

"Well yeah, that's what we were trapped in here for right?"

"Why would you want to talk now." She hissed "You didn't want to counsel with me before, why now?"

Ouch, that one kind of stung.

"Maybe I wasn't ready." I said softly.

She stopped her pacing but didn't look at me. She stared out the window and gulped with her expression frozen, as if she were afraid to change it to anything else.

"We were both angry." I said, I felt the constant knot inside my chest start to loosen and realized that this was long overdue "Maybe we need to get this all out so we can find some closure."

She snapped her head to look at me. Her eyes were angry again, her face rock hard and her eyes accused without words.

I knew I was in for it.

"Fine." She muttered "You want to talk? How about we talk about you being gone all the time. How about we talk about the shitty marriage we used to have, the non-existent one. The part where I was all alone!"

"I was busy." I replied, trying to keep my calm "I was doing my trial and I-" I stopped and I realized that excuses wouldn't get me anywhere "And I'm sorry, I was wrong."

Her eyes relaxed a little, as if she were surprised.

"Me too." She mumbled, just above a whisper. "I shouldn't have pushed you away."

"I shouldn't have been so distant." I said "I was hurting and I reacted the wrong way."

"I'm sorry I left." She gulped "I should've talked to you about it, I should've stayed and tried to work things out. I should've have left."