Help Me Understand

Chapter Seven: I Guess I Lost My Temper...

Willow's POV:

Angie overestimated me? Pathetic fucking brat? I hit Camden, I hit her! I hurt Camden! I've let Camden down, and Angie, and Coco and Daya. I even... I even fucking let myself down.. I completely overreacted, it was so horrible of me.. I guess I lost my temper...

Maybe I overreacted, I think that's a fair assumption. I never thought I would hit her.. I didn't want her to get hurt, I didn't want to make her cry! I didn't mean to hurt her, and I don't really think she's pathetic, really! I guess I lost my temper...

Daya was washing the dishes, angrily scrubbing them while mumbling to herself. Bosco was hiding in the corner, rocking. I hadn't moved an inch from where I was standing when me and Daya fought. I twiddled with my fingers, looking at the ground sadly. I guess I lost my temper...

I decided to go upstairs, I didn't think they would wanna be around me. As I went upstairs, Daya told me to not let the door to my room hit me on the way in. Daya has never talked to me like that before. I guess I lost my temper...

I opened up my phone, no reply from Angie. Nothing from Camden or Deja either. It was my fault. I'm the one who made Camden cry. I'm the reason she was hurt. I'm the one who made her and Angie to go to Deja's. I guess I lost my temper...

"Willow? Daya and I are leaving. We don't want to be in the same house as you right now. Don't text either of us. We'll be back later tonight or tomorrow morning," Bosco told me as she poked through the door. I nodded sadly. I guess I lost my temper...

Coco was gone. Daya was gone. Angie was gone. Cam Cam was gone. Everyone was gone. And now I'm alone. I heard something tapping on the window. I turned, being met with heavy rain. It was totally down pouring. I suddenly got really worried. I guess I lost my temper...

I stared at the pouring rain. I swear it was gonna flood. How did it start raining so heavily this quickly? It was cloudy this morning, but not like a storm was coming. I was worried, what if Daya and Coco couldn't come home? I guess I lost my temper...

This was all my fault, wasn't it? I'm the one who scared Coco, I'm the one who hit Camden, I'm the one who fought with Daya. Bosco and Camden were scared of me. So, so scared.. But Daya and Angie were mad at me. I guess I lost my temper...

All the words I said to Camden were spinning in my head, I couldn't get them out. Camden looked so scared, she had recoiled from me, and yet I still hit her. I hit her. I insulted and hit her. I hurt her, badly. I guess I lost my temper...

I felt my phone buzz, it was a text from Coco. I hesitated, wondering if I really wanted to know what she had written. I just wanted to know they'd be okay. I was scared, scared that they would get hurt. I guess I lost my temper...

"Hey Willow. Daya and I may not be coming back tonight, the roads are flooding. We're staying with Kerri and Maddy tonight. Be safe. And please don't do anything stupid. Although Daya says she doubts you can do that," The text said, I frowned. I guess I lost my temper...

There was no washing away my true colors, because Camden, Angie, Daya and Bosco had already lived through them. I felt so horrible, so awful. I felt absolutely disgusting, inside and out. And I knew I deserved every minute of it. Of this pain. I guess I lost my temper...

The rain outside looked so enticing. Maybe if I went outside, this disgusting feeling would be washed off by the rain? I think that might work, but did I really wanna go outside in the flood? I probably deserved it if something happened though. I guess I lost my temper...

I got out of my bed, despite the warm blankets seemingly calling for me to come back. But I couldn't go back. I didn't deserve the comfort of my blankets. I knew I didn't. I knew I deserved the coldness of the storm outside. I guess I lost my temper...

The rain showed no sign of letting up as I peered out the kitchen window. It was down pouring heavily outside. I wasn't going to get a coat. I solemnly went over to where we kept the shoes, dejectedly opting for my flip flops. I guess I lost my temper...

I stood at the door, feeling my palms begin to sweat and my body tremble. What if something happened to me outside? I deserved anything that happened, of course, but that didn't make the thought any less scary. I took a few deep breaths. I guess I lost my temper...

The rain reminded me of something. Camden's tears. The way the rain poured outside was similar to the way Camden's tears streamed down her face. And it was all because of me. It was all my fault. I'm the one who made her cry. I guess I lost my temper...

I push the door open, not even caring about if I'd get sick. I went to the banister on the porch, the wind playing with my hair. I sighed deeply as I was reminded of how Angie would comfort me and Camden during storms. I guess I lost my temper...

As I stood outside, I felt my body move to the road, the road that had become more like a lake than anything. I get off the sidewalk, the water covering my feet. I stared at the sky, crying, wishing the flood would just take me away.
I guess I lost my temper...