Help Me Understand

Chapter Three: I Didn't Want Her to Cry

TW: Fighting
Bosco's POV:

Look what I've done? What did I do? All I could think of was raising my voice at her. Oh wait. Is that what I've done? Raised my voice and scared her? I never wanted to make her cry. Why was she scared of me? Why does she think I'm cold?

"Cam Cam? Cam Cam, where are you?" I called into the empty room. I knew she wasn't in here. Angie left with her a while ago. I don't like that Angie took her. I'm not cold. I'm not. I don't think I am... I don't feel cold..

"Cam Cam? Where are you? Daya? Willow? Where are you guys?" I murmured, shrinking back into myself. I don't know where everyone was. I hated being alone. The silence, the terrible silence was deafening. I was alone, just me and my thoughts. I hated it so much. So, so much.

Why did I yell at Cam Cam? I don't know. I regret it now, but why did I do it? I grabbed my phone hesitantly, texting Daya, asking where she had gone. I held onto my phone anxiously as I awaited Daya's reply. It came sooner than I could've expected.

"I left with Willow. We'll be back soon. Angie and Camden are staying with Jorgeous and Orion for tonight. You really scared her, Bosco. Willow and I will be back in about half an hour." The text from Daya read. I froze. Camden was staying with Jorgeous and Orion tonight?

That can't be right. Camden never leaves the house for more than an hour, let alone an entire night. And all of this was my fault? I'm stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. I texted Willow next, asking for reassurance. I needed someone to be on my side here, tell me I wasn't wrong.

"I'm not giving you the reassurance, you don't fucking deserve it. Daya and I left because we didn't wanna fucking hurt you. Not in the way you hurt Camden, at least. Don't text me again until we come back." Willow's text read. I froze, trembling as I cried.

Angie was next to be texted. I needed to know Camden wasn't still mad at me, and didn't hate me. I never meant to make her cry. Camden's such a good friend, I never meant to scare her or hurt her feelings. I felt the all too familiar buzz of my phone.

"That's not for me to tell you. I don't know if she forgives you. I don't know if she ever will. She trusted you not to yell at her, and you broke that trust. You really scared her, Coco. Don't text her, she doesn't wanna talk with you,"

That final sentence hit me like a wall of bricks as I felt my heart snap in two. She doesn't want me to talk to her at all? Not even to apologize? I had driven everyone away, just because I couldn't understand what Camden's going through. I feel awful.

Camden needed a friend, and I couldn't be there for her. I wanted nothing more than to just hug Camden, and tell her how sorry I was and tell her that everything was going to be okay. And I wanted her to hug me and tell me she forgave me.

I flopped onto the couch sobbing hysterically. I hugged my knees close to my chest and sobbed into my lap. I didn't know what to do. I felt so lonely, and I deserved every second of it. For how terribly I treated Cam Cam. Daya and Willow were upset, and they had every right to be.

"We're home, Bosco. If you did anything stupid, we're leaving again," Willow called as she opened the door, not even bothering to look at me as she stomped up the steps. Daya came over to me, looking at me with a completely unreadable look.

I hug my knees and sob into them. Not even bothering to care who was seeing me cry. I feel myself get lifted off the couch and pulled into a hug. I look up, seeing that Daya was hugging me. I tilt my head, hugging her back.

"I'm sorry, Coco. I was really harsh with you. I'm sorry." Daya apologizes. She was harsh with me. I don't know why. I was scared. I was really scared. Daya rubs my back gently and kisses my forehead as I snuggle up to her. She brushes my hair out of my face.

"Can you tell me why you yelled at Camden? I'm just confused." Daya explained. I did yell at Camden. I didn't wanna yell at her though. I snuggle close to Daya and sob into her chest. She rubs my back and kisses my forehead again while I sob. I look up at her and sniffle.

"I feel awful Daya! I never wanted to hurt Cam Cam! I never meant to make her cry! Daya, I don't like this at all! I want Camden to get better!" I wailed, clinging tightly to Daya. Daya held me close, kissing my forehead gently while whispering sweet nothings to me.

"I know Coco. We all want Camden to get better. But you can't yell at her. That'll only make her feel worse. I know you just want her to feel better, but yelling won't help." Daya told me, holding me close while I cried, Daya kissed me on the forehead.

"I-I never wanted her to c-cry... I feel so awful, Daya... I hope C-Cam Cam can f-forgive m-me..." I cried, clinging to Daya tightly. Daya kissed my forehead gently again, I snuggled impossibly closer to her while I wailed, hugging her as tight as I could

I was exhausted. From crying, from being up so late, from yelling, from being alone. I was really really tired and I wanted a nap. I grabbed my phone as I pulled away from Daya, she kissed my forehead again before I went upstairs.

I laid down on my bed, the events of yesterday and today replaying in my head. I covered myself with my blankets, yawning tiredly as I turned over. I was going to put my phone on the table when I felt it buzz. I was met with a text from Camden.
"I forgive you, Coco,"