Their Itsy Bitsy Spider

Is Anyone Not Anxious In This Family?

"We need to talk."

Bucky felt his blood run cold when his wife uttered those four words. He looked up from the book he was reading and set it down, trying to appear as calm as possible while his wife sat on the other end of the couch. "What do we need to talk about?"

"Buck, Peter has been home for three weeks and you've barely spent any time with him," she started, clearly having thought this out ahead of time. "I know for a fact that there's no way you have this many meetings to go to. You can't keep avoiding him."

"I just don't wanna get in the way," Bucky tried to tell her, although it was painfully unconvincing. He saw her raise an eyebrow and winced. "Look Y/n, just trust me on this. It's better for all of us if I keep my distance."

"Why?" She furrowed her brows in confusion.

"I'm not cut out to be a parent, you know that."

Y/n was completely taken aback. Bucky was the most caring, sweet man she'd ever known. "Buck, what the hell are you talking about?"

He rolled his eyes. "You know," he said bitterly, refusing to look his wife in the eye.

"Hey," Y/n said. "Don't do that. Don't shut down. Just tell me what you mean by that."

"Please don't do this," he pleaded. "Please don't pretend like you don't know what I mean. I can't handle being near him."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Bucky took a breath, preparing himself to say it out loud. "Y/n, I don't want to hurt him," he whispered, unable to trust his voice not to break. "He's so small, and so young, I can't bear to ruin him. I'm not soft or gentle or kind like you are, I'm all cold and rough edges and sharpness. I can't be the kind of father that a child deserves."

Y/n was silent as her husband spilled his guts out to her. She watched as a tear ran down his cheek and moved closer to him on the couch, wiping it away with care. "Sweetheart," she began once he had finished speaking, "do you really think that I would've married someone that I thought couldn't be a father to my child? You are the kindest, most gentle man I've ever met and just because you tend to hide that part of you doesn't mean that it's not there. You've never been anything but gentle with me and I know that you would do the same for Peter."

Bucky looked up from the floor, searching his wife's face for any sign of insincerity. But just like always, all he could find was heartfelt adoration and love. "I don't want to mess this up," he said quietly, more tears spilling over onto his cheeks.

Y/n cradled her husband's face in her hands, pressing a kiss to his forehead before bringing him into her arms. "You won't mess it up, Buck." She leaned back onto the armrest of the couch, letting Bucky rest his head against her chest. "Baby steps okay? Start by actually having a conversation with him when you pick him up from school today." He nodded his head and she guided his face up to kiss him. "You are the only man I would choose to be his father. You're probably the only person in this compound that truly understands how he's feeling right now."

Bucky took a deep breath. "I'll try," he said, determination clear in his voice. "He deserves a family." He touched his forehead to his wife's, kissing her before moving his head to the crook of her neck.

Y/n felt her husband let out a shaky exhale against her skin and moved a hand to his hair, cradling his head against her. "We're okay," she softly reassured him. "Everything will fall into place once we all settle." They stayed on the couch for another 30 minutes, Y/n holding Bucky in a comfortable silence until eventually he was ready to extract himself from her arms.

"I'll see you later for lunch, right?" He asked, and Y/n knew he was trying to check if she was upset with him.

"Of course you will, 12:30 just like always." She smiled at him and he felt all of the doubt leave his body. He kissed her, trying to express what he didn't know how to say, and her hand lingered on his face for a little longer than usual. "I love you," she whispered, even though they were alone in the room.