Begin Again

Chapter 6

I was excited about the meeting. It was the first time that I got excited to attend one. It was not for the project itself, but for the one man who was gonna be there. Pete. My Pete. My one and only. The one whose heart I broke. The one whose heart I planned to mend.

The first time that we saw each other was not quite ideal but it was better than nothing. Unfortunately, Pete had to left early, some emergency at his office, so I did what I did best, which was to "monitor" him. Followed him around as I was also curious about his boyfriend. When he came back to the country, I found out where he lived and worked. I immediately asked Kinn to set up a new company.

"We should not pass up a new opportunity like this, Kinn. It will be our new revenue stream," I had said at that time.

I gave them the big picture, including the companies we were going to be partnered up with. I only included other companies to mask Pete's of course. Kinn and Porsche were not a fool, however. Where was the impulsive and abrupt Porsche when you needed him? He had matured. Kinn, as expected, with mounting experience could not be fooled so easily.

"You mean a new opportunity that you shouldn't pass! I feel insulted that you think we don't know what you're planning!" Kinn had confronted me.

"Have I not been good these past few years? I won't mess up!"

"You mean, sneaking around behind our backs? Going to where he was? When we specifically told you not to?!" this was the first time that Kinn blew up on me regarding Pete.

"Sneaking around? Who are you kidding?! You knew, you both knew. You could have stopped me but you didn't!" my chest was rising up and down, "the question is why. Why didn't you two stop me?" I looked at them intently, "let me make it easy for you. Because you both want him back here! Maybe even almost as much as I do! You said when he left you knew it was permanent, that you would let him go, wasn't entirely true, was it?! Like it or not, he was an incredible asset and he knew too much," I had stood up, pointing fingers while screaming at them.

"We would never! We are not like you!" Kinn lost it at what I was implying. He stood before me, grabbing my shirt's collar.

"Don't lie!"

"Stop it you two!" Porsche pulled Kinn back down. We were silent for a while, trying to calm ourselves down. I knew I did if I wanted this company to run.

"It was true that we wanted him back but not for the reason that you mentioned. Never," Porsche's low voice was almost inaudible, "didn't you see? He was the glue that glued us together. He tied us up. Look what happened now, we are back to square one. We walk on our tiptoes, trying not to remind each other of what we had or what we could have. It's tiring, really," Porsche wiped the trail of tears that run on his cheeks, "do it, Kinn but put him in charge of the new company. Let's see until when he gonna survive," his voice louder now and he looked at me, sneering.

That was how I somewhat lost track of Pete. True, taking charge of our company was nothing new to me but that did not mean it got easier. I also focused on my recovery. Physical recovery. My body had not been like it used to be, I lost almost all my muscles. I needed to be at my best if we, when we, met again. I had assigned one of my guards to "monitor" Pete but Pete indeed was once a head bodyguard. Sometimes I wonder how he could quite effortlessly evade surveillance but managed to get captured easily when he was the one doing recon work. The reports were scant but still, they were better than nothing. Mainly, I only needed to know if he was okay as I was too confident that Pete would never date someone else. Someone that was not me. It did not even cross my mind.

In a way, I had hoped that no matter how much I hurt him, he would always love me. Always me. The picture was always of myself, Pete, and Macau. Selfish? Yes. But he was mine. He is mine. Imagine my shock when he told me that he was to meet his boyfriend after work. When he left years ago, I was broken but confident. But at that moment, I just broke and broke. I could not imagine Pete doing those things with another. It was just supposed to be me! I wonder if he felt this way when he left. I would do anything, everything, to get him back, to get us back.