Begin Again

Chapter 1

It has been 5 years, more or less, since I left that Clan. Both Clan. It was a pity, it is a pity, that our relationships turned sour at the last moments I was there. I was not even on speaking terms with one of my closest friends. Happy birthdays were still exchanged between me, Khun Noo, Pol, and Arm through emails. Just out of the good old days, really. Met them by chance once, but we just smiled at each other from afar. Too scared to hurt each other. With them, I preferred to live in the past where we were all happy, where the hardest thing to do was enduring the never-ending repetition of a tv-series. Glad they thought the same.

It had not been a full one year after the confrontation between the clans. I thought the confrontation itself was enough to break everyone, that nothing 'tragic' could happen again. I was wrong. Vegas, even after his father's death, still wanted to attain the deceased's approval. He decided to proceed with the marriage that his father had arranged for him.

"It is for the business, Pete."

"I need to look strong in front of everyone."

"I will still come home to you."

Luckily, I had not resigned from the Main Clan yet, so I was not that humiliated that the love of my life just wanted to keep me as a sidepiece. That the love of my life thought that being a man, in love with another was a weakness. And the fact that I still had a place to return to, or so I had thought.

"Pete, I know he loves you very much. Just give him a chance."

You are my closest friend, one of the few that I hold dear in my heart, how could you say that to me, I had thought at the time but I kept quiet, just letting my tears fall.

"Pete, he needs to do that so that the business has a smooth way to advance,"

easy for you to say Khun Kinn, your business was always smooth sailing you did not need to do such a thing.

I could not take it anymore. I screamed at them, how no one was on my side, how hurt I felt, how no one understood me, how they both knew but said nothing, how they would do the same thing if it were him.

Porsche screamed back "don't you dare talk like that to Kinn!" that was the last straw.

I did not say anything back, just quietly went back to my room. I composed a resignation email with an 'effective immediately' written within it. I decided to just leave right away, but words indeed traveled fast. Khun Noo managed to corner me in my room and asked me to at least leave the next day.

"After all that we have been through together, you will not just leave me, leave the three of us like that, won't you? Don't we deserve at least until morning?"

I was surprised that he was so understanding. He was never 'crazy', mind you, it was all just a way for him to cope with his past. I did not expect him to be so 'mature' either, however.

'We wish you well' was written in a box containing an expensive watch and a framed picture of the four of us. I hugged them and told them to take care, not offering my help if they ever needed help because I knew this chapter of my life needed to be closed, never to be opened again. I asked Khun Kinn, for all the hard and good work I had done for him, to please give me a stellar recommendation when needed. He agreed. I did not say goodbye or thank you directly to both him and Porsche, still hurt by their stance in this whole fiasco. The ones in the email were enough.

Vegas did not even try to contact me. Maybe he thought that when I told him that I would leave if he proceeded with the marriage was just empty words. Maybe he thought I was easy, I would come back because you could say, I came back did I not? After all those things I did come back, so why would I not this time?

But why should I? Why should I be the miserable one? Why should I be the only one who fights for us? Why should I share him with anyone else? So, I left.

I needed out. Like, literally. I decided to go back to school. Not here, abroad. The preparation took me almost one year and luckily got accepted. It was foolish however to just take my 'freedom' for granted. I knew, in some way, I was still being watched. I was the head bodyguard for God's sake. I saw things, I heard things, I knew things. NDAs be damned. I could just open a youtube channel 'former bodyguard of a mafia clan answer your burning questions'. Or wrote a book. Or sold information to other countries, exposing their entanglements with the government and asking for protection.

I just studied diligently, making friends or rather acquaintances here and there. I managed to graduate in just 3 years and went back to this lovely country. I visited my grandparents' cemetery, yes I was truly alone, to inform them that I had graduated and would not be visiting as much. I paid people to take care of their forever home and the house that we used to live in.

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