On the Fence

Chapter 33

Aiden pulled back from our kiss and looked at me closely, gently caressing my face with a slightly grieved look on his face. I could feel my heart going cold as it started to ache, my face contorting with the pain. I reached up and touched his face.

"Aiden?" I whispered, my voice breaking a little, as I looked at him.

"I'm leaving for a while, Taylor. I have to go help Andrea and my brother with a few things. He's purchasing a ranch with Andrea's help, but they both want my opinion and some help with the entire process, so I'm going to be gone for a while, Taylor, starting this Friday. I'm sorry," he said quietly, taking in my reaction.

"How long?" I asked, my brow wrinkling even deeper. I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice as I looked away from his eyes to my hands resting in my lap. I felt relief that he wasn't sending me away, but the thought of him being gone for an extended time made my heart hurt.

"A while, maybe even a month or two, if things are more difficult than expected. I hope it doesn't take longer than that. I can't afford to leave my place that long, but he needs me. I'll be checking in with my place here and there, but I'll be gone otherwise," he said.

I didn't want him to go, and the disappointment was acute; I felt sad at the impending loss of our time together. The thought of being unable to see and be with him made my chest ache. And then the dread of having to spend more time at Bridlewood crept into my mind. I would have no escape; he wouldn't be here to run to, making me feel alright.

I nodded my understanding as I stared into my lap, not knowing what to say. I heard Aiden sigh again, and then he pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me.

"I'm sorry you're disappointed," he whispered into my hair, caressing my head and sweeping my hair back from my face. I couldn't look at him; I just kept staring down into my lap that now rested on his.

Why was I so sad all of a sudden? I had lived without coming here, without being with him, before. Why did it feel like my world was crashing down around me, simply at the prospect of not seeing him? I felt like I was being ridiculous, but I couldn't stop the pricking of tears coming to my eyes; it was only a month, right?

So why was I so upset? It wasn't like he was leaving and never coming back or that he'd said he didn't want to ever see me again. I didn't understand my strong reaction. I sat on his lap, not looking at him while trying to stop what I thought was a ridiculous reaction, as my face grew hot from the effort.

"I wish I could take you with me," he whispered in my ear, my eyes closing in response. I felt my bottom lip start to tremble, so I bit it to stop myself, managing to hold it together until he turned my face up to look at him.

My eyes met his sad ones, that were looking at me, full of regret, and I could feel the tears coming. It was more than just him leaving; that, coupled with the fear I had just experienced over him rejecting me, brought them on. A tiny sob and I covered my face to hide my reaction from him, embarrassed.

I heard a pained sigh escape him, and he pulled me into his chest, surrounding me with his arms, laying his head against mine, while he started rocking us on the bench swing.

"I'm sorry, Taylor. I wish I didn't have to go, but he's my brother and needs me. I hope you can understand. If," he sighed and went quiet for a moment, and I felt him swallow from emotion. "If that means you don't want to wait and choose to be with him, I'll understand."

Is that what he thought? Why he was upset? He thought I would choose Brant because he had to leave for a while? He just held me, gently stroking my hair, as he gently rocked us back and forth; it was like I could hear his heartache in the silence. I slid my arms around his neck and held him to me.