False Confidence

35

It feels nice to be back to talking to Harriet and walking to my locker with her is peaceful, she even helped me pick out an outfit for today. Which means that unlike usual I am not wearing baggy clothes with a messy bun. She said I needed to rise above lesbian stereotypes and show people that what I look like isn't all I am. And then proceeded to dress me up. She got it, I let her get it.

So I am wearing tight fitting jeans and a polo neck jersey. It looks cute paired with some look-a-like riding boots.

"Thank goodness you are friends again." Is the first thing Spencer says  kissing Harriet's forehead. "I will never become a diplomat, that shit is difficult." I roll my eyes shoving my books inside my locker "where is Alena, I thought you guys would want to make a statement and walk in together."

"Why would I do  that?" I ask frowning in his direction "we agreed that we are going to be normal around each other and if it feels comfortable then couply."

"How do you manage to make a very cute relationship sound like a business deal?" Harriet groans and I shrug, this is not a huge deal.

"Can I at least be the first to know of a pda session between you two?" Spencer asks wriggling his eyebrows and Harriet proceeds to his his arm playfully. "I am joking, jeez women."

"We need to get to class." I say pausing halfway when I spot Alena walk into the school down the corridor, I saw her this morning wrestling Emma into an outfit but didn't see her dressed and it was worth the wait. She is wearing a t-shirt dress with boot heels, her hair flowing in curls down her back and her face set in her stoic way that I find extremely hot.

"Well, you won't have to wait long for the pda moment, Spencer, if this keeps happening." She says waving in my direction "you saw her this morning Harper, pull it together."

I wave her away, happily walking towards Alena who smirks when she sees me approach.

"Harriet chose the outfit?"

My jaw drops in offence " You don't think I could have put together something like this?"

"Did you?" I glare at her and she smiles "you are cute when you are trying to be mad, like a puppy."

"Okay and I am leaving." I say turning around and marching past a sniggering Spencer and Harriet who greet Alena and they all follow behind me.

The rest of the day continues like normal. I feel Harriet's eyes follow me around, as if waiting for Alena or I to announce our unconditional love for one another. It doesn't happen and by the end of the day I am exhausted by having to look good the whole time. I hate feeling like a watched pot.

"Harper," I pause spotting Steve coming up to me, grin on his face "I got tickets for the acrobats coming to town this Saturday want to go?" I am about to say yes when I spot Alena down the corridor eyes narrowed at us and I  remember that I was planning on going out with her this weekend.

"I can't, promised I would hang out with Alena."

"Alena?" His eyes furrow as I nod, suddenly there are butterflies beating in my chest and a lump in my throat. I am stopped from getting the words that I want out and I swallow, not expecting this "maybe another time." Before he can respond I duck out of the hallway heading for the car, chest beating a million times an hour. Why couldn't I just say it, we had agreed we would and when when it came down to it I choked. Literally.

"You okay?" Wow heart stop panicking. Alena is watching me, her eyes wide in question as she examines my form "what did Steve  want?"

"-nothing." I shake my head, wringing my hands as I shift my eyes around, watching everyone walking around. "Do you think it is getting hotter?" I yank at the polo neck "I think it is getting hot-"

"-Harper," her warm hands come and stop mine in the movement. "What is wrong!"

"I couldn't do it." I say eyes furrowing as I yank my hands out of hers because I can't think when I she is touching me.

"Do what?" She asks leaning against the car and looking all cool and collected and so I start pacing in front of her.
"I said I didn't mind and I don't but then he asked and I froze and then I ran and I couldn't do it."

"Harper I am going to need you to make a full and complete, grammatically sound sentence."

I sigh coming to stand in front of her, looking her in her eyes and then realising they are to intensely beautiful so focusing on my shoes instead. "Steve asked me why I was hanging out with you and I froze and didn't tell him we were dating then I didn't want you to hate me for being a coward so I ran."

"So you didn't tell the first person who sort of asked you that we were dating?"

"Yes! I am so sorry!" I feel the panic rise in my stomach "please don't break up with me!"

"Babe." I pause at the terms before warm hands come up and hold my cheeks and gently pulling my face to look at her face, instead of looking angry she looks amused. "It's okay."

"You sure? You not angry?"

"I am sure," she leans down and places a gentle kiss on my nose and suddenly I do not care if anyone sees. "This is going to take time and we said that we will tell people when we are ready and if you weren't ready then that is fine."

"But I was the one that was all like I want to be out with you-"

"-Harper it's fine."

"I want to be out with you I know I do but I didn't realise I would feel so watched, the whole day with Harriet and everyone."

"It's hard." I nod and her hands come to stroke my cheek "and it might take a while."

"And you are okay with that?"

"More than okay, I just want to spend time with you."

I feel my cheeks heating up and she grins "you okay now?"

"Yes."

"Good," With a smile she kisses my forehead and leaves a warm tingly feeling running down my spine. "So I will meet you at home later? I have cheer practice."

I nod and grinning she gives my hand a squeeze as I watch her walk away. We are good. Heading home I stop at our local grocery store to up my supply of candy since I am seriously running low. Besides I was wanting to do a movie night this weekend, maybe with Harriet and Spencer as well, we can use the basement. With that in mind I get a whole lot of extra snacks, we still have a lot to figure out but right now my cheeks can keep hurting from smiling too much. I do not mind. 

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End of the Book!

I hated the open ended pressure this last chapter left me on to continue the series.  have serious writers block with this particular series So I changed the chapter to have a more final ending and will be taking down the beginning of the second book. Maybe one day I can continue and eventually finish it. For now, thank you for your understanding, for your support.