False Confidence

10

Lying on the grass I point out cloud shapes to the little girl, enjoying the sun on our faces and the slight and yet chilly breeze that ruffles our hair. She has her fingers in her mouth, looking up. She giggles every time I say a cloud looks like a dinosaur.  I ask her if she likes dinosaur and she stares at me with her wide and soulful eyes, her fingers mumbling her words.

"Uti'ul aurs' " I wrinkle my nose at those words trying to decipher them. 

"Beautiful dinosaurs?" I question and I feel like I have won the biggest prize ever because her grin is wide through her fingers. One point for Harper. It is crazy to think how far we have come in the last twelve hours. What is happening. I watch as Emma rolls onto her belly and pushing herself up makes her way over to the swing. Grinning at me she stands before it, looking at it. She reaches out to touch it and it moves gently. She seems fascinated and I watch her, rolling onto my stomach to see properly as she explores it. Eventually she frowns and points at me.

"No ma'am." I laugh at the unexpected clarity of her words, her little attitude and her clear disapproval of the swing. Grinning I walk over to her. 

"Look you sit on it." I show her how it is done but she is having none of it, inching back when I move on the swing a little. "See it is fun." I encourage but her fingers are in her mouth again and she is shaking her head.

"No Ma'am." Clearly I am not winning this argument.

"It is no use," I turn, Alena is watching us with careful eyes, turning to me, her expression looks drawn but she seems less tense. "She hates swings, every time I have tried she either screams at me or goes so silent it takes a  day to get her back to normal."

"The trauma." I say looking at Emma's whose gaze is focused on her mom in concern. She draws a slobbery finger and points to me. 

"No, mama, no!" She says and her mom nods. "I know baby." Emma is satisfied that her mom is of the same opinion as her and drawing closer tugs at my hand. "Offf offf!" 

Following her lead I stand up, she quickly lets go of my hand and sending me a scowl she moves to her mother, who lifts her up for a cuddle. Clearly I put the little girl through too much trauma. She is done dealing with me. 

"So you staying?"

Alena searches my face, clutching onto her daughter. "I am not a charity case."

"I know."

"I am not some hopeless teenager with no other options." We both know she does not really have any other options but I appease her. "I am free to leave whenever I want to and Emma is my child!" I nod and she nods "Then I will stay, for Emma's sake." I am happy my parents were able to use their magic to convince her. 

"We could totally turn the second spare room into a nursery!" I say excitedly but evidently she does not like that idea and frowns at me.

"Did you not just hear what I said?" I shrug sheepishly and she sighs "But your parents said they still had your cribs I can use."

"Oh yes!" I jump remembering all the storage in the basement. "Come I will show you." I lead her through the house, smiling widely at my parents who roll their eyes at my excitement. Clearly they are wondering how they managed to produce me. "Spencer should be over any minute with my car and he can help us carry things."

"I do not need his help." Alena says stiffly "I am perfectly capable of carrying things just because I am a women-"

"-Wooh," I stop her with wide eyes "I was not suggesting you were not capable, but those things are heavy Af , Besides Spencer likes to be helpful."

She frowns at me and I know she is having a hard time accepting the help but she nods anyways. I skip down the basement stairs. A few years ago my parents re did our basement, so half is converted to storage, cold storage as well as normal storage. The other half is a type of lounge/ creative room. We are not often down here but sometimes when Harriet invites the team over they sleep down here. We used to make forts here as well. Placing Emma down at the bottom of the stairs she runs to the couch and climbing on it seems to disappear in the cushions. "I can put on some kids tv while we are busy?" I ask Alena who nods. So I head to the tv. scanning through the channels until I find some puppet one.

"Like?" I ask Emma who watches me then the tv and nods. I grin, turning to Alena who watches with impassive face before I lead her to the storage side of the basement. 

"So we have the cribs, our old room camera monitor things, they can attach to your phone as well as proper baby monitors" I point them all out "Then all the bedding etc is packed in airtight bags, some of our toys are in the buckets."  

I look around trying to remember if we have any other children orientated things but fall short "I think that is it, I don't know what else my parents kept."

"That is perfect." Alena speaks fingers moving over the pale white of the wooden crib. "She hasn't slept in a crib since summer but for naps, it will be nice." I bet it will ease her mind as well.

I let her decide everything she wants brought up and When Spencer arrives later, with a whole box of clothes for little girls- saying his mom insisted Alena had the clothes because she was not having any more babies. He helps us maneuver everything to the guest room where my parents help set everything up. My mom, obviously having quizzed Alena on nappy, food etc receives a huge order of nappies and items of clothes as well so the house is busy washing clothes and blankets and setting up the room for the two of them. Emma gets bored and hungry half way through and after some food, falls asleep on the bed while everyone mills around organizing things. 

I walk around, red vines on my lips as I look at everything, testing the crib- much to everyone's annoyance- by climbing into it. It holds my weight so I nod my approval. I am aware that Alena leaves her own bag in the corner and makes no attempt to unpack with everyone around. Or maybe she is concerned this is all a dream and those are her getaway bags. With that thought I head over to them, hand closed around the handle as I want to bring them to everyone's attention.

"I will do those later!" Alena hisses at me, pulling at the handles I resist because she can't have her escape bags, that is like- well cheating!

"I can help you!" I insist, clenching my teeth harder around the sweets.

"Leave it Harper!" She insists tugging more, I frown at her "Harper." Her teeth are gritted and her tug is hard so I eventually release the bag. She puts it back in place. "I can handle rest." She tells everyone and my parents nod, Spencer smiles and says he has to head home because he promised Steve he could come home later. He glares at me when he says that and I just grin. His problem now. 

"Harper, I think you should leave." Alena says once everyone is gone and I am still spinning around the room to check everything looks nice. I frown, turning to her but something in her expression stops me. She looks almost ten years older, leaning against the doorway as if unable to stand up by herself any longer. So I nod, telling her I will be in my room if she needs anything and leaving her to settle in. Hopefully to take a nap with Emma.