False Confidence

17

"How about the candy cane ones?" Mom asks turning the iPad around to show the matching pj's we get every year. 

"No, can't we get like ones that have little reindeer on?" Harriet is the forefront of the approval committee, last year we had candy canes and she wants her Instagram posts to be a little different. "Something different."

Mom sighs but continues looking. Alena has still not made an appearance and I am starting to worry, especially since Emma is looking a little tired and keeps rubbing her eyes. I am about to go look for her when she appears in the doorway. Dressed in tights and a baggy top. Her face is clean and hair in a bun on the top of her head. She looks slightly stressed, her mouth is tight and her eyebrows are furrowed, clearly her mind is elsewhere. Emma happy toddles over and throws herself in her mothers legs. Alena pats her head and catching my eye nods to the door. Worried I follow her out, Emma now nestled in her shoulder. 

"You okay?" I ask because her cool and confident gaze has shifted. She shakes her head. Arms tightening around Emma.

"My parents called." Her voice is distant and tight "They want to talk, they threatened all sorts of things." They threatened to take Emma away, she doesn't say it but I know that is one of the only things that will get her this worried, besides they pay her school fees so they have some hold over her still. 

"Why?" why now? 

"My aunt called them, told them I was no longer living with her." Her forehead is pinched together. "I have to put Emma down for a nap, then I should head out to meet them, can you watch her if I am not back before she wakes up?" 

"Of course," she manages a small smile but her eyes are distant and worried. "Do you want me to come with you though?"

She pauses as if considering the option, looks at me her lip clenched between her two teeth. "I haven't seen them since I first found out I was pregnant." Is that her way of saying she wants me to come with her? "They have never even met Emma." I can't imagine what kind of parents would be able to forgo seeing their grandchild. 

"Okay, I will ask my mom to look after Emma and will come with you." her relief is evident in her features but she merely nods. Heading upstairs to put Emma  down I go and tell Mom the situation. She worries herself, wondering if she should come but I assure her we can handle it and I will call her if we need anything. I feel a deep anxiety in my belly as I change into something more presentable. Clean jeans and a jersey Harriet would be proud of. Letting my hair down I try twist it into a new and neater bun. Spraying myself with perfume I head back downstairs. When Alena arrives back down stairs she is also transformed. Her hair a long plait down her back, in tight black jeans, a smart button down shirt and golden loop earrings, her high heeled boots topping the whole sophisticated look. If I wasn't so worried I would be drooling. Quickly chatting to my mom to make sure she is okay with looking after Emma we head outside. I insist on driving my car and she does not even argue. Only worrying more more. I am grateful she an be vulnerable with me but I hate seeing her so defeated. Reaching over I squeeze her hand in comfort. She lets me intertwine our fingers and holds on tight until we pull up to a mansion on the outskirts of town. In Fern field territory. 

I park by the fountain and Alena sits still, not making a move. I wait as she turns to me "My parents are-"

"-It is fine, Alena." I assure her, trying to communicate that I will not judge her in comparison to her parents. I am on her side. With a stiff nod she leads me up the porch and to ring the doorbell. It is opened by an old lady in black and white uniform.

"Miss Alena." The Spanish accent is thick as the women looks at Alena with sad eyes. Her voice is thick with emotion

"Maria, "Alena lets a small smile slip onto her lips and moves to embrace the old lady. "It is good to see you."