Gangster Love

Gangster Love (Part Fifteen)

(Clumzy)

She was stable, I did a big sigh of relief and buried my head in my hands. Eventually the nurse came out and placed a hand on my shoulder and for some reason I just broke down. She took me to a quiet corner and allowed me calm down before she spoke.

Nurse- You are a wonderful boy, but you need to rest. She’ll be ok, I promise. It seems to me like right now you are exhausted and you’ve been taking care of everyone but yourself, so take a deep breath and when you feel a little better go and see her and then go home and get some rest and I give you my word that I will keep a good eye on her. Please, I’ve watched you come here every SINGLE morning at 8.00 and leave around 10:00 you stay here all by yourself sitting there. 

If you just stay here and watch her the more frustrated you will be.

Me- No, I’m fine…I come in to see my son, my son…..I..

I stopped, It felt so good to call him my son but it hurt me to know that he wasn’t actually mine.

Nurse- Sir, sir….

Me- I’m sorry.

Realising I had zoned out for a few seconds.

Me- Yes I come here to see my son.

Nurse- Yes I know and his doing very well, soon he wont need help to breath. His lungs will be strong enough for him to be able to breath on is own.

I smiled.

Nurse- But please get some rest.

Me- I will…..I will.

(Slims 3 days later)

I had just come back from the hospital and I was laying in bed next to Trina. I still hadn’t told her what I had done to Shantay and I hadn’t heard about her on the news so I guess she hadn’t been found yet. Me and Flawless had gone back to her ends to get his car but we dare not be seen close to her door. Neither one of us had said anything but I know he wanted to see, I still couldn’t believe what I’d done I wanted to see if she was actually dead. Even though a part of me knew she was, there was a part of me that was telling me it was all a dream….I mean unless your really sick and twisted no one wakes up with the intention to kill. 

I so badly wanted to tell Trina, it felt like I couldn’t actually move forward and make our relationship work if I held this back from her, but I just couldn’t lose her again. The thought of her not being with me hurt me to the point where I could feel the bile in my stomach churning and making its way up through my throat. 

Trina- What’s wrong baby, you’ve been so quiet since you came back from the hospital. Is everything alright, how’s Rion and Flawless? 

Me- There good baby and everything’s good.

As she stroked my face with the love burning in her eyes I looked away and realised I had to tell her, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and if this doesn’t kill our relationship it will only make it stronger. 

I sat up and looked around my room, I thought about all the good memories I’d shared in here. All the people I’d lost along the way, all the people I had befriended in my short time on this earth. Then I turned around and held her hand in mine.

And I smiled and shook my head, who would have thought….ME…saying I love you.  I sighed as my heart pumped harder and faster in my chest  and my palms grew sweaty and my mouth turned dry.