The Unstoppable Zuri

The Bombshell

I was sun-tanned, full of mosquito bites, and somehow still had glitter spray in my hair after multiple showers at home. Or what I referred to as real showers. We weren't in outside stalls or anything back at camp, and we had showers, but the water pressure was ridiculously low and spiders always hid in the corners, so my showers were always quick and somewhat ineffective.

    I'd been home for a few days, ready to find the next thing to binge watch while my dad was at work during the week. I started watching a new reality show and then began to lose focus.

    The way I didn't think about Elliot was by constantly keeping myself busy, something that was very easy to do at camp. Between water balloon fights, s'mores, tons of crafts, plus reigning in all the little ones, it was crazy. A good kind of crazy, though.

Now I was alone. Just me, this empty house, and my thoughts. A big, torrential downpour of thoughts. Thoughts of a relationship lost. Did I waste all those years? Was it even worth it?

I spent a lot of time with Elliot, time that I used to spend with my dad. Friday nights, after physical therapy, would mean popcorn, movies, and board games. Instead, I was with Elliot. I'd spent the past five Halloweens with him instead of making candy apples with my dad.

I took out my phone and sent a quick text.

Papa, let's play board games tonight.

He responded a few minutes later.

Only if we can play the one I like, with the hippos.

I laughed, then rolled my eyes.

Oui. We can play the one with the hippos.

I suddenly had a really strong chocolate craving. I put in my earbuds and tried to distract myself with a podcast while making some cupcakes. But it didn't feel right. This was one of the podcasts I loved listening to with Elliot. I tried listening to some new episodes before, but it felt too strange. I wondered if I'd ever be able to enjoy it again, because it was attached to so many memories of him.

That growing fear was starting to bother me. I hadn't been to our favorite restaurant, Burger Barn, since the breakup. I hadn't played any video games. I didn't listen to certain songs. Those were all things I did with Elliot, and for some reason they all felt gross to me.

It was like doing those things or going to those places was keeping our connection alive, keeping me stuck in the past. I didn't want that. I didn't need that. But it freaked me out, because what if I looked at the baby the same way?

I loved my little one more than anything in the whole wide world already, but what if every time I saw them I thought of Elliot? I thought of the abusive jerk, but also the relationship that meant so much and was now completely gone?

My dad tried to cheer me up sometimes by telling me that I'd find someone else. Someone who treated me really, really well. Someone with a good head on their shoulders. I tried not to have the mantra of "who would want to date someone like me?" but now it was even stronger because not only does it take me longer to do everyday things, but now I'm a teen mom. Who could love someone like me?

When these thoughts came to my head, all I could think was, "Am I stupid? He was such a bad guy. I shouldn't be upset. I should be happy." I couldn't answer that. I would've loved to feel happy and relieved. It just didn't work that way.

    Right as I took my cupcakes out of the oven, a notification ding came through my earbuds. I went over to my phone, which was on the countertop of the island across from me, and looked at my new text. It was from Lucy. It wasn't just a text, but a screenshot of an Instagram post. I opened it.

    Girl. You need to know this. I'm so sorry.

    I looked at the screenshot and it felt like my whole body turned to stone. The post was a picture of Elliot kissing another girl. But not just any other girl. It was Paisley, the girl from his D&D group that he seemed to be close with. I went to the group once, but D&D was just a little bit much for me. I met Paisley and thought she was nice.

    They'd text each other a lot, though. And I didn't want to be "that" girlfriend who didn't trust him, even though I wished I could peek at his phone every now and then. He refused to tell me his password, so there was no point, anyway. He said I had no reason to be worried and told me to stop accusing him of cheating.

    I never said he was cheating, though. Sometimes I'd just tell him I was uncomfortable with him talking to Paisley so much, but he insisted it was just about D&D related things. He said he had no feelings for her. This post said otherwise.

Happy one year anniversary to the love of my life. You complete me.

I wanted to just rip my hair out, curl up into a ball on the floor, and scream. He lied to me. He'd been cheating on me for an entire year.