The Unstoppable Zuri

We Have To Go

I'm outta here.

    I got myself out of the chair and opened the door of the examination room. I couldn't get any appointment or exam or whatever done right there. I had to go. I couldn't concentrate on anything, other than the fact that Elliot attempted suicude and was literally in the hospital right now. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse; that my day couldn't get any more stressful after it was finally calming down.

    I looked left and right, trying to find the exit. It seemed like everything was blurry and my world was spinning. I stepped further into the hall before a nurse stopped me.

    "Hey hon, is everything okay?" she asked. I shook my head. "What's the matter?"

    "I have an emergency and don't have time for my appointment. I have to go. Now."

    "Okay. Come with me," she said, leading me down to the checkout counter. She brought me up to the secretary. "She needs to reschedule."

    I don't even remember what date or time the lady gave me to come back and see Doctor Andrews, but she gave me a card, which I put in my pocket. I opened the door to the waiting room and my dad looked up.

    "Get your keys," I said.

    "What? What's going on?"

    "Rapide! Rapide! Nous avons aller!"

    "Aller ou, Zuri?" he asked.

    "L'hopital," I said, nearly out of breath. My dad looked at me with confusion. "Elliot est à l'hôpital."

My dad sprang to his feet and we got to the car. He pushed the ignition button, but we weren't going anywhere.

"What happened?"

"I-I got these texts from him saying he was gonna kill himself and Kathleen said he's at the hospital because he swallowed a whole bottle of Xanax! He's literally there getting his stomach pumped." I felt like I really, really couldn't breathe. "I don't know how Kathleen's gonna pay for such an expensive surgery. How did I get into this mess?"

"Zuri, ecouter." I looked over at my dad. "Listen. This is not your fault that Elliot is in the hospital. He is almost eighteen years old. He can make his own decisions, just like me made the decision to hurt you this morning. Every bad thing that has happened to him today is his doing, do you understand?"

"Right, but if I had just told him about the baby in a different way, then—"

"No. Stop going in circles. You need to stop thinking that way. Elliot chose to get angry and push you. Eliott got himself expelled. Elliot chose to send you those texts. Elliot chose to take all those pills and put himself in the hospital. And do not feel bad for Kathleen. She could have raised a better son who doesn't treat women like garbage."

We backed out of the parking lot and took a left turn.

"Wait, this isn't the way to the hospital," I said.

"Of course it isn't."

"Um, shouldn't we turn around so we can go to the hospital?"

"He has his mother there. He does not need you. He can lay there and have his stomach pumped, and when he wakes up he can think about what he's done."

"So where are we going, because this isn't the way home either."

"It's been a tough day. We're going to Chili's."

"Chili's?" I said, perking up a bit.

"You heard me. Let's get you a good meal."

We pulled up to the Chili's parking lot and went inside. The restaurant was mainly empty other than old people, since it was only a little after four. A hostess showed us over to a booth and our waitress came over a few minutes later. My dad ordered drinks for us.

"A large strawberry lemonade for her, and whatever this tropical sunrise margarita is for me," my dad said.

"Great. I'll be right back with those," said our waitress.

"Wow. I'm getting the strawberry lemonade?" I asked.

Chili's itself, let alone strawberry lemonades and even dessert were only for special occasions. Even though my dad had a good job at the bakery, all my medical costs, even with insurance were pricey. My medications, physical therapy, and occupational therapy were all so pricey. And now the burden of all the baby appointments were on him too. This would probably be our last Chili's date for quite a while.

I loved Chili's so much, but other than my lemonade and a few chips, I didn't really feel like eating. We took my quesadillas to-go. They definitely wouldn't be as good re-heated tomorrow and I really didn't want to order them, but my dad insisted.

When I got home, I found myself alone in my room with all of my thoughts, none of them good ones. I should've been happy and enjoying the pictures of my baby that were hung up on my bulletin board, but the only person I could think about was Elliot.

I found myself Googling stomach-pumping info, and it shattered me to pieces knowing that Elliot wasn't just passed out with anesthesia when they pumped all that Xanax out of him. He was wide awake. That's how they do the procedure. Horrifying. I'd had a lot of procedures and surgeries in the past, and probably some coming up in the future, but hopefully getting my stomach pumped would never, ever be one of them.

I spent a lot of time up late talking with Emmi and Lucy, trying to piece together my thoughts. All I wanted was to break away from the guilt I felt, like I was the one who ruined Elliot's life and put him in the hospital. I just had to keep reminding myself that wasn't true, but it felt impossible.

I tried to sleep after getting off the phone with both of them, but I couldn't. My mind was too preoccupied. Every time I shut my eyes, I thought about Elliot chugging those pills, yelling at me on the front lawn of our school, or him lying in a hospital bed.

Elliot and I were each of our first loves. We'd been together since the sixth grade. We wanted to get married. We wanted to spend our lives together. I kept thinking about our future. About what could have been, even right now.

Him and I were supposed to go to the movies tonight. It was going to be our first movie since COVID. And next week was our field trip to Target to get supplies for the end of the year party. I was the event planner for our school's Best Buddies club. Target had the cutest luau-themed stuff in their summer section. We had so many things coming up...I didn't understand.

I didn't understand what was the point of going on? I thought about the little baby inside of me. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring a baby into this mess. Elliot was so unstable that I don't think he'd be able to have any custody at all. I took my phone off my dresser and looked up the nearest Planned Parenthood. There was one downtown.

This baby would keep me connected to Eliott for the rest of my life. Even if he wanted zero custody, I'd always been reminded of him by looking at our kid. There's no way that would be healthy for me. I went to the "abortion" section and hit "book an appointment."