Massachusetts: Virginia and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-
Virginia: Sentences.
Massachusetts: Don't interrupt me.
---------------
New Jersey: So are we flirting right now?
Rhode Island: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU
New Jersey: That doesn't answer my question
---------------
Gov: Is something burning?
California: Just my love for you.
Gov: Cal, the toaster is on fire. And so are you.
---------------
Florida: Let's watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Gov: Okay.
Florida: And make out during the scary parts.
Gov: Th-
Gov: The scary parts.
Gov: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
---------------
Kentucky, sweating: Tennessee, there's something I need to ask you-
Tennessee: Finally! You're proposing!
Kentucky: How'd you know?
Tennessee: Ken. You've dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Tennessee: I even picked it up once.
---------------
Florida: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.
Gov: Aren't you forgetting something?
Florida: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Gov's forehead before running out.*
Gov, blushing: No, pay your bill! Who raised you?
---------------
Kansas: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
Missouri: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.
---------------
Florida: Two brooooos!
Louisiana: Chillin' in a hot tub!
Florida: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay!
Louisiana:
Florida:
Louisiana: *tearing up*
Florida: Babe, c'mon...
Louisiana: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.
Florida: Babe...
---------------
Oklahoma: Talk dirty to me, baby~
Arkansas: The dishes.
Oklahoma: Wh-
Arkansas: They've been there for 4 days and it's your turn to wash them. You still haven't cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times.
---------------
Oregon, about Idaho and Washington: I love them both, but how do I propose to two people?
Florida: Two different restaurants, one person at each restaurant. Twice the dessert, twice the applause.
Oregon: Won't people think it's weird if there is a third person just sitting there, though?
Florida: I saw someone feed their pet peacock crème brûlée from their mouth at the French place on the corner last week: I think faux third-wheeling at an engagement is the least of your worries.
---------------
Louisiana: I'm in love with you.
Florida: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.
Louisiana: I know.
Florida: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-
---------------
Virginia: I've been dropping him the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Massachusetts: Wow. He sounds stupid.
Virginia: But he's not. He's really smart actually. Just dense.
Massachusetts: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know... "Hey! I love you!"
Virginia: I guess you're right. Hey Mass, I love you.
Massachusetts: See! Just say that!
Virignia: Holy fucking shit.
Massachusetts: If that flies over their head then, sorry Ginny, but they're too dumb for you.
Virginia: Mass.
---------------
California: I'm proud to identify as morosexual. I'm attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Louisiana asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight.
Florida: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?
California, already taking off his clothes: God, Florida, you're so fucking stupid.
---------------
Oregon: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.
Washington: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.
---------------
Florida: Gov, you love me, right?
Gov: Normally I'd say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won't like.
---------------
Wisconsin: *finds a note* Hmm, whats this?
Florida: Hey, that's mine! *tries to grab it*
Wisconsin: Aww, it's a love note for Gov?
Florida: No-
Wisconsin: *opens it*
Wisconsin:
Florida:
Wisconsin: I can't read this.
---------------
Alabama: I asked Indiana out.
Mississippi: Oh, I'm sorry.
Alabama: Why?
Mississippi: Well, I assume he said no.
Alabama: No, he said yes.
Mississippi: Really? Then I'm sorry for him.
---------------
Montana: Guys, I've been meaning to tell you... Wyoming and I are dating.
Wyoming, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington: *gasp*
Montana: Wyoming, why are you surprised?!
---------------
Gov: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple...
Alaska: I really care about your feelings!
Hawaii: I really care about YOUR feelings!
Gov, turning his head: ...and then there's the disaster couple...
Rhode Island: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!
New Jersey: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!
---------------
Idaho: How is the most beautiful person in the world?
Oregon: *blushing* I—
Alaska, butting into the conversation: Hawaii is perfect, thanks for asking
---------------
California: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Austin: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
California: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
Austin: Is it working?
---------------
Gov: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?
New York: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Gov: Yes.
New York: I'd sleep.
---------------
Gov: The stars are so beautiful...
Texas: They're just giant balls of gas.
Gov: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-
Texas: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.
Gov: Oh...
YOU ARE READING
Welcome to the Statehouse/Table Oneshots and Headcanons
FanfictionA place for me to put my shorter oneshots that I can't justify as standalone pieces and my headcanons for the different states. Goes into the shenanigans of the Statehouse, the angst, and some of the ships.
