(Sorry y'all have been getting more incorrect quotes than headcanons lately. It's just that they are low stakes, easy to make, and something I can post to keep y'all occupied while I work on my headcanons that take more research.)
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California, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Washington, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you're staying home and having my kids
Gov: what are you guys doing?
California: playing systemic oppression
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Gov: I sort of did something and I need your advice, but I don't want a lot of judgement and criticism.
New York: And you came to me?
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Florida: So I might have accidentally poisoned one of the drinks, but I don't know which one...
Arkansas: WHAT?!
Oklahoma: spits drink
Georgia: By the way this dinner is going, I hope it's mine.
Virginia: That is a very morbid thing to say!
Louisiana: chugs drink
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Texas: you're so short, what can you even see down there?
Rhode Island: your IQ
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Gov: sometimes I wonder if I'm the bad guy in someone's story
Gov: and then I remember
Gov: I'm the bad guy in my own story
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Florida: New York smiled at me today.
California: Like a genuine smile or a scary smile.
Florida: Genuine.
Louisiana: The end times are upon us.
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Texas: If you found out you only had one day left to live, what would you do with it?
Gov: Say goodbye and mend my relationships.
Florida: Something illegal.
New York: Accept my fate.
California: I would message ten people saying that if they didn't forward the message to 10 other people, I would die tomorrow.
Texas: What?
Florida: That's [technical glitch]ing awesome. Can I change my answer?
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Gov: Loui...
Louisiana: Oh no, 'Loui' in b-flat.
Louisiana: You're disappointed.
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New York: You're still shorter than me.
Rhode Island, sick of this 'I'm taller' bs: You know what? I'll just get five inch platform shoes and then I'll be taller!
New York: Then I'll get platform shoes as well!
Rhode Island: Then I'll get taller shoes!
New York: Then I'll get even taller ones!
Rhode Island: Then uh- I'll sit on someone's shoulders!
New York: Then I'll stand on someone's shoulders!
Rhode Island: Then so will I! I'll stand on Alaska's shoulders! He'd probably let me, too!
New York: Then I'll stand on Alaska's shoulders wearing SIX INCH platform shoes you [Speaks New York]!
Rhode Island: I-
Rhode Island: What the [Speaks Northeastern] has this argument turned into?
New York, practically wheezing: I don't [Speaks New York]ing know?!
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New Jersey: I lost Rhodie.
Massachusetts: How did you LOSE him?!
New Jersey: To be fair, he is very small
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Gov: if you bury a body and grow endangered plants on top of it you're safe because it's illegal to dig up any endangered species
California: is this why you have all that gyrocaryum in your garden—
Gov: haha they're pretty don't you think?
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Florida: I hate it when Gov asks me, "Are you even listening to me?"
Florida: It's such a weird way to start a conversation
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Tennessee: Did you buy the eggs like I asked?
Kentucky: Even better!
Tennessee: What could you have possibly-
Kentucky, holding up a chicken: Her name is Mommy Andy.
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Gov: If you took a shot everytime you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
California: Maybe a bit tipsy?
New York: Drunk.
Florida and Louisiana in unison: Wasted. (They don't think they make that many bad decisions)
Texas: Dead.
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Gov: We need to talk about your maturity.
Florida standing on the couch with Louisiana and Georgia: Bold words for a man standing in lava.
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Louisiana: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail.
Florida: Nah, it was my fault. I probably shouldn't have used my one phone call to prank call the police.
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Gov: That's a bad idea, it's way too dangerous!
Louisiana: There's NOTHING too dangerous for us!
Florida: Yeah! And EVERYTHING we do is a bad idea!
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Gov: and remember guys, your mental health is also important, try not to bottle up your emotions
California: so you wanna talk about-
Gov: no.
Gov: anyways, as I was saying...
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Arkansas: Would it kill you to say please and thank you??
Texas: To you, maybe. And how would you feel then, if it killed me?
Arkansas: I--...
Arkansas: Pretty bad, I guess.
Texas: That's what I thought. Don't ask me again.
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Texas: I have come to realize I love therapy.
California: Really?
Texas: Yeah, it's like a talk show where I'm the guest and the only topic is me.
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Oregon: hey, what are your pronouns? We need to talk about you behind your back.
California:...
California: he/him
Oregon: thanks!
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Florida, on the phone: Hey Gov, do you know my blood type.
Gov: of course, it's A positive
Florida: oh haha, I guessed wrong.
Florida off the phone: Hey nurse!!
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Army: how are we supposed to keep track of Florida at all times?
FBI: put a tracker on him
Army: how?
FBI: make him eat it
Army: how the hell are we going to-
Gov: hang on, I got this
Gov, handing Florida the tracker: Hey, try this for me
Florida: okay!
ВЫ ЧИТАЕТЕ
Welcome to the Statehouse/Table Oneshots and Headcanons
ФанфикA place for me to put my shorter oneshots that I can't justify as standalone pieces and my headcanons for the different states. Goes into the shenanigans of the Statehouse, the angst, and some of the ships.
